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Prejudicial Attitudes and Remarks



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 26th 03, 06:34 PM
Dr. Sooz
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Default Prejudicial Attitudes and Remarks

Agreed. I frequently wonder what keeps the 'targeted' kids from
forming alliances against bullies.

Any theories (or experiences) on that question?

I think it's a sense of feeling totally alone, at times. Also, sometimes, a
"thank god they're not after me this time" relief. And the fear that, even
banded together, the reprisals will still be worse than any effort made.


Yes, those things. And the inability to be mean.
~~
Sooz
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  #2  
Old August 26th 03, 07:35 PM
Dr. Sooz
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Honestly, I don't really recall being aware that there were other targeted
kids, though in retrospect I'm sure there must have been. When you're in a
war zone and you're lunch, you stay in survival mode and that tends toward
isolation. Mentally, it isn't a place from which strategic thinking easily
arises.


This is really, really true. I did make friends with the other targeted kids
-- it was a small private grammar school, and we were the only 3 in the class
who were relentlessly targeted. We were a threesome of outcasts and
strange-os. Banding together didn't help us at all, just made us easier to
find.
~~
Sooz
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  #3  
Old August 26th 03, 08:45 PM
Deirdre S.
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I didn't suggest that they'd be better off if they tried to 'be mean'
to bullies. That would be pointless, and almost certain to increase
their tormentor's will to torture them.

I meant the kind of 'alliances' where they stick together, and become
a less inviting target by being less isolated, and therefore less
easily overcome.

Deirdre

On 26 Aug 2003 17:34:14 GMT, uppies (Dr. Sooz)
wrote:

Yes, those things. And the inability to be mean.


  #4  
Old August 26th 03, 08:52 PM
Deirdre S.
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Absolutely. But the question of what kind of survival skills we can
offer kids today perhaps ought to include advice to pay attention, and
seek out the other 'targets', until maybe you form a group that
outnumbers the bullies. That might be enough to discourage them from
thinking you are all -easy- targets. And you can watch each other's
backs.

Deirdre

On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 14:34:19 -0400, "laura"
wrote:

When you're in a
war zone and you're lunch, you stay in survival mode and that tends toward
isolation. Mentally, it isn't a place from which strategic thinking easily
arises.


  #5  
Old August 26th 03, 08:55 PM
Deirdre S.
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Then perhaps other strategies are needed. *How* can we make bullying
just *not work* in the bully's favor? Cost him more than he (or she)
gains?

Deirdre

On 26 Aug 2003 18:35:20 GMT, uppies (Dr. Sooz)
wrote:

Banding together didn't help us at all, just made us easier to
find.


  #6  
Old August 26th 03, 09:14 PM
Deirdre S.
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OK. I hear you.

I'm just searching for things that have the potential to work in the
targets' favor. Something to offer options and hope.

I understand what you mean about how primitive and defensive our
responses are when we are under attack. Quite true.

But does that mean that it is impossible to stop bullies? That today's
targets have no more hope of escape than we did, decades ago? Do we
just shake our heads and say "It's part of childhood, if you are
unlucky or unusual enough to qualify as odd-man out, and no one is
going to be able to change it, ever"?

Deirdre

On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 16:18:32 -0400, "laura"
wrote:

You don't stop to think "this kid's in the same boat as
me". You don't really care. You just try to stay the hell out of
everyone's way.


  #7  
Old August 26th 03, 11:21 PM
CLP
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Unfortunately, the one being picked on is often times the "different" kid
who doesn't really have friends or make them easily and has no one to band
together *with*. And a lot of times, kids who might want to stick up for
someone don't because of fear of reprisal from the bullies. I don't have any
solutions. Wish I did. I have a grandson who fits into the odd man out
category, he is very much out of step with other kids - of any age. I only
get him a couple weeks a year, as we live in different states, but in that
short amount of time just with neighborhood kids I can see how rough it must
be for him in school. What do you do? I don't know.

--
"Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer." Washington Post Style Invitational
"Deirdre S." wrote in message
...
I didn't suggest that they'd be better off if they tried to 'be mean'
to bullies. That would be pointless, and almost certain to increase
their tormentor's will to torture them.

I meant the kind of 'alliances' where they stick together, and become
a less inviting target by being less isolated, and therefore less
easily overcome.

Deirdre

On 26 Aug 2003 17:34:14 GMT, uppies (Dr. Sooz)
wrote:

Yes, those things. And the inability to be mean.




  #8  
Old August 26th 03, 11:48 PM
Deirdre S.
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I am not in favor of control through humiliation, either. Doesn't
work. Backfires.

No, I am looking for ways to convince the bullies that their -own
lives- will improve if they find other ways of relating to people.
Make it obvious that it isn't open season on the unprotected, and that
respect is more rewarding in the long run.

After all, being respectful is an invitation for others to respect
you, too.

Deirdre

On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 15:13:30 -0700, vj wrote:


]Cost him more than he (or she)
]gains?

possibly, yes.
making examples of them in a negative way?


  #9  
Old August 26th 03, 11:55 PM
Deirdre S.
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I'd be interested in the book.

I don't think much changes at a fundamental level until people stop
accepting the status quo, and start experimenting with other options.
Then sharing what works with each other ... like Kathy N-V's stories
about the transformation in the local school between one era and
another. That didn't happen via magic. It happened via *people*
changing what they did and what they were willing to accept.

Deirdre

On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 15:18:49 -0700, vj wrote:

and i have his e-mail address if anyone has a special need for it.


  #10  
Old August 27th 03, 12:02 AM
Deirdre S.
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Neither do I. But I don't see telling the targets to suck it up and
take it as a viable response, either ...

I do think it takes a 'community' response to successfully make a dent
in it, and empowering the kids to act on the problem together, as
Kathy's daughter's school has started to do, strikes me as a way to do
all kinds of positive things at once. Not just curb bullying, but
nourish the opposite of the sense of powerlessness that bullying feeds
off of...

Deirdre

On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 18:21:31 -0400, "CLP" wrote:

What do you do? I don't know.


 




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