Update on a Stitching dilemma

I received an invitation to what was supposed to be the baby shower
for my cousin's wife. Turns out that it will be just a brunch to
honor the mother-to-be for being pregnant, because she doesn't want a
baby shower. However we are welcome to bring baby gifts (which she
won't open there) and check out the baby website where she is
registered for ideas for baby gifts.

So I will save the baby afghan to give when the baby was born (which
was my original intention-I'll just have to change 6 of the ribbons so
there are all pink or all blue on the afghan). I picked up a bar of
home/hand made lavender soap, crocheted a washcloth and will pick up
either a lotion or a Chicken soup book (depending on my mood and
available $$$$).

In talking to my mother and aunt (not the grandmother to be) about
this whole thing, we're just amazed at the lack of communication about
this whole thing. My cousin asked his mother for names and addresses
to give to the hostess for a baby shower. Therefore the idea was
floated about that this would be the baby shower. I think there is
now a bit of head scratching going on among my mother and aunts as to
what to do: they bought baby gifts to bring to a baby shower.

I'm just glad I decided not to stitch something for her.

Lisa

I 'm a little confused and very curious. I know what is acceptable at
showers both baby and bridal can differ vastly from one region ot the
country to another. However, what is so different between a brunch where
the mother- to-be is honored and it is suggested that you check out the gift
registry and a traditional baby shower, other than she will not open the
gift at the party, that would cause you to change the gift?

Candy

wrote in message
om...
I received an invitation to what was supposed to be the baby shower
for my cousin's wife. Turns out that it will be just a brunch to
honor the mother-to-be for being pregnant, because she doesn't want a
baby shower. However we are welcome to bring baby gifts (which she
won't open there) and check out the baby website where she is
registered for ideas for baby gifts.

So I will save the baby afghan to give when the baby was born (which
was my original intention-I'll just have to change 6 of the ribbons so
there are all pink or all blue on the afghan). I picked up a bar of
home/hand made lavender soap, crocheted a washcloth and will pick up
either a lotion or a Chicken soup book (depending on my mood and
available $$$$).

In talking to my mother and aunt (not the grandmother to be) about
this whole thing, we're just amazed at the lack of communication about
this whole thing. My cousin asked his mother for names and addresses
to give to the hostess for a baby shower. Therefore the idea was
floated about that this would be the baby shower. I think there is
now a bit of head scratching going on among my mother and aunts as to
what to do: they bought baby gifts to bring to a baby shower.

I'm just glad I decided not to stitch something for her.

Lisa

CANDY CORRIGAN wrote:

I 'm a little confused and very curious. I know what is acceptable at
showers both baby and bridal can differ vastly from one region ot the
country to another. However, what is so different between a brunch where
the mother- to-be is honored and it is suggested that you check out the gift
registry and a traditional baby shower, other than she will not open the
gift at the party, that would cause you to change the gift?

While it may seem a little silly, I suspect what
is going on is that someone involved realized that having
a shower was improper (e.g., the person throwing the party
was too closely related to the guest of honor, or it's
not her first baby, or some such thing). One is supposed
to be very cautious with showers because guests are
required to bring gifts. One doesn't want it to look
like a gift grub. It is always, however, appropriate to
have a party to celebrate an upcoming birth, no matter
who is throwing it or who's invited or how many babies
a woman has had. It's also always appropriate for
guests to bring gifts *if they choose*. And, of course,
the gifts are not opened at the event so as not to
appear to pressure or embarrass anyone who didn't choose
to bring a gift.
It's certainly okay for a guest to bring a
gift or to save the gift for another time. Either way
is perfectly fine. No harm, no foul. Kudos to
whomever made the decision for taking a step back
and not forcing the guests' hands.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article , Ericka Kammerer
writes:

And, of course,
the gifts are not opened at the event so as not to
appear to pressure or embarrass anyone who didn't choose
to bring a gift.

My great-aunt was even taught not to open any gift in front of the giver lest
the look on your face give it away that it wasn't what you were hoping for.

It was with extreme difficulty that I got her to open some of my handmade stuff
before I left. I'd have to go next door to visit her nephew, or repair to the
"facility", or otherwise leave the room to get her to do it, but then I could
tell her something about it in person.

(Yes, she was also told that if you opened gifts at an event, then someone
who'd given a $2 gift might be embarrassed that someone else gave a $200 gift,
or that others would gossip that everyone gave a $20 gift except that
cheapskate who gave a $2 gift.)


--
Finished 9/24/04 - Quilt Show
WIP: Fireman's Prayer (#2), Amid Amish Life, Angel of Autumn, Calif Sampler,
Holiday Snowglobe

Paralegal - Writer - Editor - Researcher
http://hometown.aol.com/kmc528/KMC.html

On 9/30/04 9:59 PM, in article ,
"Karen C - California" wrote:

In article , Ericka Kammerer
writes:

And, of course,
the gifts are not opened at the event so as not to
appear to pressure or embarrass anyone who didn't choose
to bring a gift.

My great-aunt was even taught not to open any gift in front of the giver lest
the look on your face give it away that it wasn't what you were hoping for.

It was with extreme difficulty that I got her to open some of my handmade
stuff
before I left. I'd have to go next door to visit her nephew, or repair to the
"facility", or otherwise leave the room to get her to do it, but then I could
tell her something about it in person.

(Yes, she was also told that if you opened gifts at an event, then someone
who'd given a $2 gift might be embarrassed that someone else gave a $200 gift,
or that others would gossip that everyone gave a $20 gift except that
cheapskate who gave a $2 gift.)



I think I'd have liked your great aunt!
Cheryl

"CANDY CORRIGAN" wrote in message ...
I 'm a little confused and very curious. I know what is acceptable at
showers both baby and bridal can differ vastly from one region ot the
country to another. However, what is so different between a brunch where
the mother- to-be is honored and it is suggested that you check out the gift
registry and a traditional baby shower, other than she will not open the
gift at the party, that would cause you to change the gift?

Candy

because it is just that: a brunch to honor the mother-to-be, not a
traditional baby shower (which is what my side of the family was led
to believe). it's like " we're having a brunch to honor so-and-so
for having a baby. it's not a traditional baby shower because she
doesn't want one. but she's registered at thatplace.com if you'd like
to bring a gift that she won't open."
Plenty of women have babies every day. And lots of them do not get a
brunch to honor them for being pregnant.

Lisa

Karen C - California wrote:

In article , Ericka Kammerer
writes:


And, of course,
the gifts are not opened at the event so as not to
appear to pressure or embarrass anyone who didn't choose
to bring a gift.


My great-aunt was even taught not to open any gift in front of the giver lest
the look on your face give it away that it wasn't what you were hoping for.

It was with extreme difficulty that I got her to open some of my handmade stuff
before I left. I'd have to go next door to visit her nephew, or repair to the
"facility", or otherwise leave the room to get her to do it, but then I could
tell her something about it in person.

(Yes, she was also told that if you opened gifts at an event, then someone
who'd given a $2 gift might be embarrassed that someone else gave a $200 gift,
or that others would gossip that everyone gave a $20 gift except that
cheapskate who gave a $2 gift.)

This is not completely unreasonable in thought (though
a little excessive--etiquette does allow one to open gifts
in front of the giver); however, it's not supposed to be a
problem at showers because A) all guests are required to
give a gift and B) shower gifts are supposed to be small, token
gifts, not anything extravagant. The "real" gift is to be
given later. Showers are supposed to be rather frivolous
parties celebrating a woman's transition to a new phase
of her life with little, fun, practical gifts to equip her
for that new phase. If gifts are kept in that tradition,
then there's no need to worry aobut embarrassment over
a "small" gift because they will *all* be "small" gifts.
Of course, it's challenging to find a shower
that hasn't gotten out of hand these days...

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article , Ericka Kammerer
writes:

If gifts are kept in that tradition,
then there's no need to worry aobut embarrassment over
a "small" gift because they will *all* be "small" gifts.

Which is what I thought, and then was stunned to find that I gave a co-worker
$2 worth of yarn (knit up into a cute little sweater) when everyone else was
giving $40 baby monitors and $100 strollers. And mind you, this was an office
shower, not relatives and lifelong friends shelling out big bucks.

I wasn't going to have a shower myself, so I was not operating on the idea that
"if I give Lisa a $100 gift, then she'll feel she needs to give me a $100 gift
when it's my turn" (which was how one co-worker explained her tendency toward
excessive shower gifts).

Of course, it's challenging to find a shower
that hasn't gotten out of hand these days...

It's hard to find *anything* that hasn't gotten out of hand these days! I hear
about friends saving up for months to give the kid a birthday party, and wonder
whatever happened to the old "Mom bakes a cake and 10-cent Chinese paper fans
as favors"? It was cheap, it was fun.


--
Finished 9/24/04 - Quilt Show
WIP: Fireman's Prayer (#2), Amid Amish Life, Angel of Autumn, Calif Sampler,
Holiday Snowglobe

Paralegal - Writer - Editor - Researcher
http://hometown.aol.com/kmc528/KMC.html

Another example of why following rules of etiquette makes life so much
easier. Making things up as you go along just makes everyone
uncomfortable and apt to do the wrong thing unknowingly.

Hugs to you for all your concern, caring, and hard work.
Dianne

wrote:

I received an invitation to what was supposed to be the baby shower
for my cousin's wife. Turns out that it will be just a brunch to
honor the mother-to-be for being pregnant, because she doesn't want a
baby shower. However we are welcome to bring baby gifts (which she
won't open there) and check out the baby website where she is
registered for ideas for baby gifts.

So I will save the baby afghan to give when the baby was born (which
was my original intention-I'll just have to change 6 of the ribbons so
there are all pink or all blue on the afghan). I picked up a bar of
home/hand made lavender soap, crocheted a washcloth and will pick up
either a lotion or a Chicken soup book (depending on my mood and
available $$$$).

In talking to my mother and aunt (not the grandmother to be) about
this whole thing, we're just amazed at the lack of communication about
this whole thing. My cousin asked his mother for names and addresses
to give to the hostess for a baby shower. Therefore the idea was
floated about that this would be the baby shower. I think there is
now a bit of head scratching going on among my mother and aunts as to
what to do: they bought baby gifts to bring to a baby shower.

I'm just glad I decided not to stitch something for her.

Lisa

Of course, it's challenging to find a shower
that hasn't gotten out of hand these days...

It's hard to find *anything* that hasn't gotten out of hand these days! I
hear
about friends saving up for months to give the kid a birthday party, and
wonder
whatever happened to the old "Mom bakes a cake and 10-cent Chinese paper fans
as favors"? It was cheap, it was fun.

I remember a birthday party like that. The girls got jump ropes and the
boys got those little wooden airplane models. I got the airplane since I
was a tomboy. :-))

My standard baby shower gift is a crocheted baby blanket (plaid for people
I'm reasonably close to & shell stitch for those who are not so close, or
whom I suspect won't appreciate the extra work involved) and a bag of cloth
diapers. Even if the use disposables, the cloth diapers make good spit up
cloths or "shoulder protectors". :-))))
Liz from Humbug