Terribly OT opinions requested...

In article ,
Marisa Cappetta wrote:

I'm back in the full time work force and struggling with guilt feelings,
especially when my son clings to me all weekend, which he never felt the
need to do when I was home all week. It's giving Brook the chance to be the
primary child care-giver which he loves. Be that as it may, I still struggle
with guilt. Is it part of the job description; woman must feel inadequate
and guilty?

--
Marisa (AU)
ESBC

Seems to be!

I wish I had some tips to help you with this... I struggle with guilt
and feelings of inadequacy most of the time, with regards to my
parenting. I question myself constantly... Do I spend enough time with
them? Should I have given in/not given in to whatever it was they were
whining for? Why doesn't my son eat dinner? Is my daughter getting
enough one-on-one time? Should I have asked for full custody?

The only thing I can say about your guilt over working away from the
home is that your son is with a loving, full-time parent. If your
husband was working outside of the home, would your son miss him? Yes,
of course he would! Would your husband feel guilty? Of course not; our
society only punishes women, not men, for being providers.

--
-Kalera
Mom of Juliet, 5, Sam, 3, and Ophelia, born 5/31/03
Wife of the incomparable Moxley of www.spaceplex.com
See us at www.strattonhome.org

How ridiculous!

Tina


"vj" wrote in message
...
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Christina Peterson"
:

]Now let me ask you something. You mention people wanting children
](including mixed race) and not being able to get them while children are
]bounced from foster home to foster home. Is this actually a common
]scenario? Children (without a behaviour problem that would interfere
with
]placement, or living semi-involved parents, eg, in jail or rehab) are not
]being allowed to be adopted?

Tina, i haven't seen anyone with more info answer your question, but
it has been my understanding that yes, this is indeed the case.


-----------
@vicki [SnuggleWench]
(Books) http://www.booksnbytes.com
(Jewelry) http://www.vickijean.com
-----------
The Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.
Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

Yes, send those children to Ohio. In Ohio, both single people and single gay
people can adopt. We will raise anyone's kids if you let us. Not that we are
doing such a hot job of it, mind you. I spend 1/2 of my working time typing
evaluations for the kids in the system, either foster care or DH, and they are
not having a lot of fun right now.


Becki
"Here in Alaska we call a shovel a shovel and a cock a cock" -- C.T.P.Peterson

I agree absolutely with this. Continuity and care and feeling like
family are more important than merely looking like your adoptive
parent(s).

Deirdre

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 05:57:05 GMT, Kalera Stratton
wrote:

The reason I have issues with it is because the children then remain in
foster care, which MAY be good if they're lucky, but is more likely to
be ever-changing and fail to allow these kids a chance to HAVE PARENTS.
I think it's a lot healthier for kids to have a single mom of another
race (and come to think of it, *I* had a single mom of another race!)
than to be ping-ponged about the foster care system and have NO PARENTS
of any race.

As far as it being a rare single parent who can handle doing it... given
how many single parents there are doing a fine job, I don't think so.
Any single parent who's looking to adopt is going to be financially
secure, and if not, the state screens for that anyway.

What's better; a small black child being raised by a single white mom or
dad who works and hires a nanny during the day, or a small black child
who spends his life bouncing from foster home to foster home, usually
not of his race anyway, and some of them abusive?

And which is more likely? Not the better option, at this point in
history.

I'll go for this. I think there isn't any human activity where the
outcomes aren't improved by people doing it consciously, instead of
according to their programming.

Deirdre

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 21:54:57 GMT, Kalera Stratton
wrote:

My point is that if we lived in an enlightened culture that was
supportive of either choice, people would be more introspective about it
in the first place. People would be less likely to have kids because
"that's just what you do", and more likely to *decide* one way or the
other.

This ****es me off to the point of wanting to boycott their movies.

--
Marisa (AU)
ESBC


Suggested reading - "The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in
the World is Still the Least Valued" by Ann Crittenden. It's guaranteed to
make you furious, sad, frustrated and enlightened all at the same time.

My daughter has just been told by her employer that they won't allow her to
continue part-time work after the end of the year. She has to go back to
full time or not at all. Considering Max, my outrageously beautiful and
accomplished grandson, will be just over a year old then, she and her
husband have to consider whether they can afford to be without her salary or
whether she can stay home. She's a lawyer for DreamWorks studio in LA - you
would think that company would be more enlightened. And they don't have on
campus childcare either.

Mj

True, but it still takes time to adjust. I have been home after school for
my son for 5 years and I know the routine, I know that you have to fish
around in his school bag to find school notices under half eaten sandwiches.
I know which days he needs to wear his sports uniform. There's a multitude
of stuff that 'just happened' when I was in charge. I'd say that only now,
after 6 months, has Brook got the hang of all those little things that make
life in general run smoothly. There have been one or two disasters along the
way. I'm not blaming him and I certainly don't take it out on him. It's all
part of the learning curve, but it still adds to the stress levels.

One of the things I do like about Brook being the main care giver is that he
has handed a lot more responsibilty to our son along the way. At 10 years
old, I can see he is ready for it. I was much more inclined to do everything
for him.

--
Marisa (AU)
ESBC


Because you can't be in two places at once? Doesn't make a lot of
sense. And with one parent as reliably available caregiver, how is
this 'inadequate'? Sounds better than most families can manage these
days.

Deirdre

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 10:59:43 GMT, Marisa Cappetta
wrote:

Is it part of the job description; woman must feel inadequate
and guilty?

It's late Saturday afternoon here in Aus. If you're awake early on Saturday
morning, odds on I'll be around if you need some one to talk to!
[ps - get the impression we're the only ones awake tonight?]


-----------
@vicki [SnuggleWench]
(Books) http://www.booksnbytes.com
(Jewelry) http://www.vickijean.com
-----------
The Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.
Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

I am awake!!!

It is almost 1am Saturday

Nicole




Marisa Cappetta wrote:
It's late Saturday afternoon here in Aus. If you're awake early on Saturday
morning, odds on I'll be around if you need some one to talk to!

[ps - get the impression we're the only ones awake tonight?]


-----------
@vicki [SnuggleWench]
(Books) http://www.booksnbytes.com
(Jewelry) http://www.vickijean.com
-----------
The Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.
Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.




--
Nicole
Black Cat Beads


eBay Sto http://www.stores.ebay.com/blackcatbeads

I never met a bead I did not like! : )

Hey there...

Whatcha doin up late? I am sorting out the new Bali Silver shipment I
just got in.

Nicole



vj wrote:
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Nicole @ Black Cat Beads"
:

]I am awake!!!
]It is almost 1am Saturday

HEY, sweetie!!!!!!!


-----------
@vicki [SnuggleWench]
(Books) http://www.booksnbytes.com
(Jewelry) http://www.vickijean.com
-----------
The Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.
Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.


--
Nicole
Black Cat Beads


eBay Sto http://www.stores.ebay.com/blackcatbeads

I never met a bead I did not like! : )