OT proposed discussion: How did you learn to be a "woman" rather than a "girl"?

No offense to our male readers/quilters, but this topic is weighing on
my mind right now and needs discussing AFAIC....Also, right away, let
me say, I know there is much more to being a woman than make up and
hair styles and such. Those other (and yes, much more important)
things AREN'T the things I want to discuss in this thread. I had
*great* role models for being a strong, self-sufficient (and
self-sacrificing) woman. Please don't flame me for trivalizing what it
means to be a woman. If you find this topic offensive, I'm sorry, I
don't mean to offend anyone or incite a riot.

I think most of us would probably say that the teen years is the WHEN
in regards to learning to be a "woman" rather than a "girl". During my
teen years my life was pretty screwed up (mom and stepass getting
divorced, long lost father back in my life, acquiring a stepmother,
living with an abusive alcoholic, etc. PLUS all the usual teen angst
issues). Somewhat as a result (I think) something "short circuited" in
my development in *how* to be a woman rather than a girl, or rather in
some other regards, being an adult vs a child. I didn't have role
models for what I'm facing now in any regard.

Specific to the Woman v Girl thing, I know virtually nothing about make
up, let alone how to properly apply it so I don't look like clown or
tramp. Forget trying to style my hair (although I have a little more
knowledge on that) in anything other than a basic flyaway ponytail --
it's basically not happening (these days it's more like getting me to
do anything other than use a headband 'cause it only makes a stubby
tail). Occassionally I get a perm. I can't manage to use curlers to
save my soul, not even the nice heated ones DH got me a few years ago
at my request. Basically when it comes to being "pretty", "feminine",
and "done up", I friggin' suck.

Part of it is having been raised with the mantra that God blessed me
and I didn't need make up and stuff to mask it all. For the most part,
I believe the philosophy (in the sense that we are the way we are
supposed to be, etc.) and while I tended to leave God out of it,
frequently shared that philosophy with my students (middle schoolers)
when the question inevitably came up why I was one of maybe two or
three female teachers in our building who didn't wear make-up. That
was fine in that enviroment -- I might have gotten more respect from
some of the adults I dealt with if I had been "done up" but I got
through it okay.

I suspect something that is hindering my ability to get hired lately is
the fact that I don't "do" make up and such -- with my baby face (and
unfortunately being noticably overweight), I tend to look younger than
my age, which at times translates for some (I suspect) as flighty or
incompetent. -- or like I just "don't care" (current hormone issues
resulting in pimples doesn't help dispel that myth either).

Besides the employment issue, I have been pondering trying to find out
how to "do" make up properly for a while now -- simply so I *can* do it
when the mood/situation strikes -- like going out for a nice evening
with my husband or to a wedding, etc.

Hence, realizing I have virtually no knowledge in an area many women
seem to have plenty, I thought I'd ask where that knowledge came
from...where did you learn it?

Pondering,
Tricia

I learned it from a Mary Kay consultant. All of them are trained in showing
you how to choose the right colors for your complexion, and how to properly
apply it to make yourself look amazing!

Karen, Queen of Squishies



Besides the employment issue, I have been pondering trying to find out
how to "do" make up properly for a while now -- simply so I *can* do it
when the mood/situation strikes -- like going out for a nice evening
with my husband or to a wedding, etc.

Hence, realizing I have virtually no knowledge in an area many women
seem to have plenty, I thought I'd ask where that knowledge came
from...where did you learn it?

Pondering,
Tricia

My goodness. Let's see if I got all of that: flyaway hair, pimples,
overweight and no makeup. Yes, indeed, sweet Tricia, you've hit the nail on
the head.
I wouldn't be tempted to hire anyone who gave the impression that she
didn't give a happy hoot how she looked. I'd think if you didn't care about
that, then you wouldn't care how the job you did looked either. That's a
tacky criteria but first impressions are so very important.
DH just paused by here and asked what was going on with the quilters
today. I told him, and I told him my reaction.
DH says, "You're a big help". Heck. What am I supposed to do? Tell
you it doesn't matter? Nope. Let's Do something.
Start asking women whose hair you admire who their stylist is. Try a
couple. I'll bet there's one who can do wonders for you. And yes, make an
appointment with your Mary Kay lady when you and she are unhurried. Those
ladies know their business.
We're going to get your 'best foot forward' if we have to bring a few
gators and personally take over. We shall overcome. Polly



"Karen, Queen of Squishies" wrote I learned it from a Mary Kay consultant.
All of them are trained in showing
you how to choose the right colors for your complexion, and how to
properly apply it to make yourself look amazing!

Polly Esther wrote:
My goodness. Let's see if I got all of that: flyaway hair, pimples,
overweight and no makeup. Yes, indeed, sweet Tricia, you've hit the nail on
the head.

You summed it up alright -- =(

I wouldn't be tempted to hire anyone who gave the impression that she
didn't give a happy hoot how she looked. I'd think if you didn't care about
that, then you wouldn't care how the job you did looked either. That's a
tacky criteria but first impressions are so very important.

I do care how I look and that's part of what irritates me about the
situation is fearing the fact that I do care doesn't show.

DH just paused by here and asked what was going on with the quilters
today. I told him, and I told him my reaction.
DH says, "You're a big help". Heck. What am I supposed to do? Tell
you it doesn't matter? Nope. Let's Do something.

Bless your DH *hugs for him*

Start asking women whose hair you admire who their stylist is. Try a
couple. I'll bet there's one who can do wonders for you. And yes, make an
appointment with your Mary Kay lady when you and she are unhurried. Those
ladies know their business.

Will start inquiring to find one -- I still consider myself new to the
area and that's sort of adding to my "I feel awful and pitiful about
myself" mood today. Any suggestions for meeting friends? I didn't
feel comfortable at the quilt guild meeting, although to be honest, I
dont' think I gave it enough of a try. The next meeting won't be for
another few weeks though. Church, while people are nice, hasn't
exactly netted me someone I feel I can turn to short of the Pastor who
is so very busy I don't feel she has a chance to *focus* on a
conversation.

We're going to get your 'best foot forward' if we have to bring a few
gators and personally take over. We shall overcome. Polly


I think a few of those 'gators hitched a ride north with a fair company
-- DH and I went walking around what was left of the county fair
yesterday and one of the things available as a paid attraction was to
go see the 'gators.

Thanks Polly....
Tricia

I understand Tricia. It is painful, really, to be in a new place. We lived
in the same city for 5 generations and then, here we were in the Swamp.
These are not exactly friendly, gregarious people. Bit by wee little bit, I
have made progress. At your church and at your guild, you can see 'who's
doing things' and offer to help. Or, . . . ask for help. I know I startle
people when I see a wonderful head of hair and say to the stranger, "Your
hair is gorgeous, how do you Do that?" Of course, I never say it to someone
carrying a submachine gun. Thus far, they've all been delighted and eager
to share. The student who stocks groceries at my store stands taller and
preens a bit when I buggy by. (And . . . I know who cuts her hair.)
The key word here is tenacity. Free translation: hell bent
determination. Polly

Polly Esther wrote:

Start asking women whose hair you admire who their stylist is. Try a
couple. I'll bet there's one who can do wonders for you. And yes, make
an
appointment with your Mary Kay lady when you and she are unhurried.
Those
ladies know their business.

And Tricia wrote
Will start inquiring to find one -- I still consider myself new to the
area and that's sort of adding to my "I feel awful and pitiful about
myself" mood today. Any suggestions for meeting friends? I didn't
feel comfortable at the quilt guild meeting, although to be honest, I
dont' think I gave it enough of a try. The next meeting won't be for
another few weeks though. Church, while people are nice, hasn't
exactly netted me someone I feel I can turn to short of the Pastor who
is so very busy I don't feel she has a chance to *focus* on a
conversation.

Or if you have a BeautiControl consultant in your area, give her a call.
They also help with wardrobe colors. Department store makeup counters
can also help.

Julia in MN

Karen, Queen of Squishies wrote:
I learned it from a Mary Kay consultant. All of them are trained in showing
you how to choose the right colors for your complexion, and how to properly
apply it to make yourself look amazing!

Karen, Queen of Squishies



Besides the employment issue, I have been pondering trying to find out
how to "do" make up properly for a while now -- simply so I *can* do it
when the mood/situation strikes -- like going out for a nice evening
with my husband or to a wedding, etc.

Hence, realizing I have virtually no knowledge in an area many women
seem to have plenty, I thought I'd ask where that knowledge came
from...where did you learn it?

Pondering,
Tricia





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Julia in MN wrote:
Or if you have a BeautiControl consultant in your area, give her a call.
They also help with wardrobe colors. Department store makeup counters
can also help.

Julia in MN


When I got interested in fabric and learning to sew, I did get books
out of the library for the color selection thing and learned that I am
very definitely a SPRING and am very comfortable with picking
flattering colors for clothes -- that is one that I am fairly well
versed in when seeking business/work clothes. When I "bum around" town
or home I tend to do jeans and any old t-shirt but for work I *can*
dress. The principal where I was teaching called me into her office
one day for a discussion on upgrading my work wardrobe (I was being too
casual in my dress). I went and bought a bunch of things that are very
nice. Some don't fit appropriately anymore due to some weight
gain/redistribution, but some still do. The Sears downstate actually
has a decent ladies/petites department, although none of the pants in
the two piece items fit me (Kate D -- any tips for a newbie on hemming
up tapered slacks?) but I found a nice brand of pants that I could wear
nicely and bought a mixture of colors to fill the gaps.

The nearest dept store is a small JC Penny and this one doesn't have a
make up counter (I went tonight and checked). The Sears outside town
is strictly appliances and manly machines. I'm now starting to look
for others that might be nearby that I dont' know about (I was never
much of a shopper either -- another teen girly thing that just passed
me by).

Thanks Julia,
Tricia

You might try some of the catalogues if shopping is far away. Coldwater
Creek carries some nice looking clothes in larger sizes with comfortable
fit. I don't think their prices are outrageous either. It's worth
checking.
KJ

"Tricia" wrote in message
oups.com...

Julia in MN wrote:
Or if you have a BeautiControl consultant in your area, give her a call.
They also help with wardrobe colors. Department store makeup counters
can also help.

Julia in MN


When I got interested in fabric and learning to sew, I did get books
out of the library for the color selection thing and learned that I am
very definitely a SPRING and am very comfortable with picking
flattering colors for clothes -- that is one that I am fairly well
versed in when seeking business/work clothes. When I "bum around" town
or home I tend to do jeans and any old t-shirt but for work I *can*
dress. The principal where I was teaching called me into her office
one day for a discussion on upgrading my work wardrobe (I was being too
casual in my dress). I went and bought a bunch of things that are very
nice. Some don't fit appropriately anymore due to some weight
gain/redistribution, but some still do. The Sears downstate actually
has a decent ladies/petites department, although none of the pants in
the two piece items fit me (Kate D -- any tips for a newbie on hemming
up tapered slacks?) but I found a nice brand of pants that I could wear
nicely and bought a mixture of colors to fill the gaps.

The nearest dept store is a small JC Penny and this one doesn't have a
make up counter (I went tonight and checked). The Sears outside town
is strictly appliances and manly machines. I'm now starting to look
for others that might be nearby that I dont' know about (I was never
much of a shopper either -- another teen girly thing that just passed
me by).

Thanks Julia,
Tricia

Howdy!

Catherines has good clothing and great sales:
http://catherines.charmingshoppes.com/pagebuilder/

Meeting people: Tricia! Keep trying.
Getting to know folks at church? Join the volunteers!
When there's a meeting (committee, women's group, groundskeepers, etc.)
show up. If you're easy for people to overlook, they will.
You CAN do this. (Believe me, "they" don't fire volunteers. g)

Ragmop/Sandy--whose quilt guild has 4 monthly small groups meeting
at our church, and a band of quilters who just get together to
gab and sew ;-)

On 8/28/06 8:06 PM, in article
, "Tricia"
wrote:


Julia in MN wrote:
Or if you have a BeautiControl consultant in your area, give her a call.
They also help with wardrobe colors. Department store makeup counters
can also help.

Julia in MN


When I got interested in fabric and learning to sew, I did get books
out of the library for the color selection thing and learned that I am
very definitely a SPRING and am very comfortable with picking
flattering colors for clothes -- that is one that I am fairly well
versed in when seeking business/work clothes. When I "bum around" town
or home I tend to do jeans and any old t-shirt but for work I *can*
dress. The principal where I was teaching called me into her office
one day for a discussion on upgrading my work wardrobe (I was being too
casual in my dress). I went and bought a bunch of things that are very
nice. Some don't fit appropriately anymore due to some weight
gain/redistribution, but some still do. The Sears downstate actually
has a decent ladies/petites department, although none of the pants in
the two piece items fit me (Kate D -- any tips for a newbie on hemming
up tapered slacks?) but I found a nice brand of pants that I could wear
nicely and bought a mixture of colors to fill the gaps.

The nearest dept store is a small JC Penny and this one doesn't have a
make up counter (I went tonight and checked). The Sears outside town
is strictly appliances and manly machines. I'm now starting to look
for others that might be nearby that I dont' know about (I was never
much of a shopper either -- another teen girly thing that just passed
me by).

Thanks Julia,
Tricia

I agree with Sandy about volunteering. I have many, many good friends that
I would have never met if I hadn't volunteered to coordinate a Project Linus
chapter.

Organizations are always looking for volunteers. I'm convinced that our
volunteers (me included) get as much out of making Project Linus blankets as
the kids do out of receiving the blankets.
--
Donna in Idaho
Reply to daawra3553 at yahoo dot com

"Sandy Ellison" wrote in message
...
Howdy!

Catherines has good clothing and great sales:
http://catherines.charmingshoppes.com/pagebuilder/

Meeting people: Tricia! Keep trying.
Getting to know folks at church? Join the volunteers!
When there's a meeting (committee, women's group, groundskeepers, etc.)
show up. If you're easy for people to overlook, they will.
You CAN do this. (Believe me, "they" don't fire volunteers. g)

Ragmop/Sandy--whose quilt guild has 4 monthly small groups meeting
at our church, and a band of quilters who just get together to
gab and sew ;-)

On 8/28/06 8:06 PM, in article
, "Tricia"
wrote:


Julia in MN wrote:
Or if you have a BeautiControl consultant in your area, give her a call.
They also help with wardrobe colors. Department store makeup counters
can also help.

Julia in MN


When I got interested in fabric and learning to sew, I did get books
out of the library for the color selection thing and learned that I am
very definitely a SPRING and am very comfortable with picking
flattering colors for clothes -- that is one that I am fairly well
versed in when seeking business/work clothes. When I "bum around" town
or home I tend to do jeans and any old t-shirt but for work I *can*
dress. The principal where I was teaching called me into her office
one day for a discussion on upgrading my work wardrobe (I was being too
casual in my dress). I went and bought a bunch of things that are very
nice. Some don't fit appropriately anymore due to some weight
gain/redistribution, but some still do. The Sears downstate actually
has a decent ladies/petites department, although none of the pants in
the two piece items fit me (Kate D -- any tips for a newbie on hemming
up tapered slacks?) but I found a nice brand of pants that I could wear
nicely and bought a mixture of colors to fill the gaps.

The nearest dept store is a small JC Penny and this one doesn't have a
make up counter (I went tonight and checked). The Sears outside town
is strictly appliances and manly machines. I'm now starting to look
for others that might be nearby that I dont' know about (I was never
much of a shopper either -- another teen girly thing that just passed
me by).

Thanks Julia,
Tricia