If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#11
|
|||
|
|||
You know, you make this sound like a venal witch hunt or begging for
compliments. She sent a gift. She'd like to know it arrived. Since she didn't attach a return-receipt, she really doesn't have a way of knowing whether it indeed was received. This doesn't negate her generosity since she isn't asking for a quid pro quo, all she wants to know is has the gift arrived. I don't think she is out of line, although as noted in earlier emails, a new baby generates a lot of stress and it is understandable that they may be tardy in getting some acknowledgement out. Frankly, from the tone of your email, I can't imagine you doing much of anything with "cheerful" generosity - there was nothing cheerful OR generous about your response. Ronnie In article , Tara Henderson wrote: I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. "teleflora" wrote in message ... Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of those grammar rules with THAT sentence) One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything. Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it. So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and abused. It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing. Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt???? You can't put a dollar amount on it. So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend and ask her first? God, I hate these situations. Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em. Cindy |
Ads |
#12
|
|||
|
|||
While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too
much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future. lisae Tara Henderson wrote: I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. |
#13
|
|||
|
|||
"Tara Henderson" wrote in message om... I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. Yeah, and that's why I don't wanna do it. But if they never got it in the first place, then I do want to know that. Cindy |
#14
|
|||
|
|||
Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered. I think it's just plain common courtesy on the recipients part to acknowledge that the gift was received........via phone call, walk over and say thanks, or drop them a note in the mail, as soon as possible after you get the gift. Tackiness, to me, is not acknowledging the giver and letting them know that the gift was received intact and in one piece without damage. A simple "thanks" takes only a second. That is definitely not too much for even a new parent to handle. Shelly "Tara Henderson" wrote in message om... I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. "teleflora" wrote in message ... Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of those grammar rules with THAT sentence) One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything. Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it. So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and abused. It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing. Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt???? You can't put a dollar amount on it. So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend and ask her first? God, I hate these situations. Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em. Cindy --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.501 / Virus Database: 299 - Release Date: 7/14/03 |
#15
|
|||
|
|||
I'm sure I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again.
When I was 16, my grandmother sent me a check. I deposited it and neglected to thank her. She waited a year for my birthday again, then told me to my face and with real bitterness in her voice, that I hadn't thanked her the previous year which is why I wasn't getting anything that year. I was stung. There was nothing I could do except apologize vainly. She was right; I was wrong; that was that. She never mentioned it again. It has been 30 years, and I've never forgotten a thank-you note since. A lesson like that, hard though it was, is the best gift I could have gotten. My point: Don't just stop giving your niece gifts. Make the gift even more special. Risk her anger by explaining. It might be the nicest thing you ever do for her. --Lia Lisa Ellis wrote: While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future. lisae |
#16
|
|||
|
|||
Since things are too often lost in the mail, I felt she was just trying to
find out whether it ever arrived or not - not asking for a huge big thank you. -- Donna in Idaho! Project Linus Boise/SW Idaho Coordinator Website: http://donnakwilts.tripod.com/ The ultimate inspiration is the deadline! "Tara Henderson" wrote in message om... I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. "teleflora" wrote in message ... Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of those grammar rules with THAT sentence) One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything. Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it. So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and abused. It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing. Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt???? You can't put a dollar amount on it. So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend and ask her first? God, I hate these situations. Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em. Cindy |
#17
|
|||
|
|||
Actually, tracking just tells you it was delivered. Not necessarily to the
right person. Unless you ask for a signature, it isn't guaranteed. -- LN in NH a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts! "Marijke" wrote in message .. . "Roberta Zollner" wrote in message ... We place entirely too much trust in the post office. I recently sent a squishie to someone and didn't hear anything for quite a while. So with trembling fingers, I sent her an email to ask if it had arrived. And it hadn't! How would we have ever cleared that up if I couldn't have brought myself to ask the embarrassing question? A I know what you mean. I pointed this out once when there was a thread about ungrateful squishie recipients. Now, in that particular case, the send knew that the recipient received it (through tracking) but I did point out that often, mail goes astray. Good example, the hug quilt that took wayyyyyyyyyy too long to get from one province to the neighbouring one. Marijke |
#18
|
|||
|
|||
Oh please... let's not start getting all negative again. She was just
stating that it could be a faux pas. Put the claws back in. Meow! -- LN in NH a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts! "Ronnie Wexler" wrote in message ... You know, you make this sound like a venal witch hunt or begging for compliments. She sent a gift. She'd like to know it arrived. Since she didn't attach a return-receipt, she really doesn't have a way of knowing whether it indeed was received. This doesn't negate her generosity since she isn't asking for a quid pro quo, all she wants to know is has the gift arrived. I don't think she is out of line, although as noted in earlier emails, a new baby generates a lot of stress and it is understandable that they may be tardy in getting some acknowledgement out. Frankly, from the tone of your email, I can't imagine you doing much of anything with "cheerful" generosity - there was nothing cheerful OR generous about your response. Ronnie In article , Tara Henderson wrote: I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. "teleflora" wrote in message ... Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of those grammar rules with THAT sentence) One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything. Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it. So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and abused. It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing. Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt???? You can't put a dollar amount on it. So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend and ask her first? God, I hate these situations. Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em. Cindy |
#19
|
|||
|
|||
I don't think she was saying it ISN'T tacky to not thank someone (there! a
double negative). I think she was just saying it was tacky to go the passive agressive route. If they didn't thank, they didn't. That's then their problem. Not that I agree in all cases. I think children should be taught. Adults, well, they should have been, but it may not be up to you to teach them. Maybe it is. Depends on your relationship to the person. In the case where you didn't personally hand someone the gift and you aren't sure they received it, I think it is perfectly ok to ask. If you did hand it over, then you know they have it and they just have no manners. (or their thank you got lost in the mail.... but then, a double thank you never goes unappreciated. Thank by phone and again by mail.) -- LN in NH a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts! "Shelly" glass angel at charter dot net wrote in message ... Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. I think it's just plain common courtesy on the recipients part to acknowledge that the gift was received........via phone call, walk over and say thanks, or drop them a note in the mail, as soon as possible after you get the gift. Tackiness, to me, is not acknowledging the giver and letting them know that the gift was received intact and in one piece without damage. A simple "thanks" takes only a second. That is definitely not too much for even a new parent to handle. Shelly "Tara Henderson" wrote in message om... I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered. "teleflora" wrote in message ... Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of those grammar rules with THAT sentence) One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything. Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it. So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and abused. It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing. Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt???? You can't put a dollar amount on it. So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend and ask her first? God, I hate these situations. Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em. Cindy --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.501 / Virus Database: 299 - Release Date: 7/14/03 |
#20
|
|||
|
|||
On Tue, 15 Jul 2003 16:53:02 -0700, Lisa Ellis
wrote: While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future. lisae I sent gifts to my sister's kids in Alaska and my brother's kids in Oregon for years - all hand-made stuffed animals and dolls and things. It was cheaper to spend my time making things (lightweight things) to post overseas than spending money on some plastic toy and shipping that over. All I wanted to know was if it arrived by Christmas - I know that is important to small children. Very rarely did I ever find out whether it had arrived (much less get a thank you). I don't think you can do the signature required post by international mail. This experience was draining, and after several years of sending boxes of homemade things to my brother (our mother sewed all of our clothes and toys, so he isn't ignorant of how much time is involved) I got tired of this situation and stopped sending things to my brother. My sister put the kids on the phone at their birthday (niece June 11th, niece June 14th) one year and my niece told me how much she liked the doll I had sent her. That made me feel that it hadn't been a waste of time after all. This niece and nephew are 10 and 15 respectively (though Melissa is 10 going on 40) and I send them books now, and sewing things for Melissa who seemingly was inspired by my last visit, etc. But for those who say giving should be something the giver does independent of the recipient's reaction, I would say that giving repeatedly with no acknowledgement that the gift even arrived, much less was received, is a very draining experience. No one likes to feel that they are taken for granted. -- Jo in Scotland |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Auction: C. Jean Horst "Heart of Roses" Quilt - SIGNED! | Brian Bernardini | Marketplace | 0 | September 1st 04 07:08 PM |
Why would needleworkers attend quilt shows | Debra | Needlework | 32 | April 1st 04 04:08 PM |
FS: Beautiful Handmade Heirloom Baby Quilt - Ebay Auction | LFK | Marketplace | 0 | March 13th 04 02:12 PM |
Stampola Newsletter - July 7, 2003 | Mindy at Stampola | Rubberstamps | 0 | July 8th 03 05:35 AM |