The Voices in my Head

"Sjpolyclay" wrote in message
...
because nothing can change
as long as the problem isn't visible. But each of us can (and should)
only
do what we feel safe doing.

and that's why I'm not just pretending I don't see this thread.


Me too. I feel kind of funny that this thread keeps going for so long, and
that I keep adding to it. Especially since I'm kind of new here, anyway.
But I feel motivated by the words of others, so I keep adding to it anyway.

I know that
this is not a "private" place, being the internet, but its not other
people
knowing that bothers me, its thinking about it myself. And with the
people who
have respnded to this thread, I know I am in good company of people who
are
aware and concerned with some of the very same issues. I remember what a
HUGE
relief it was when I started to learn more about PTSD and stress, and knew
that
there really are physical reasons I react the ways I do. What I was told
about
me was "crazy, bad, or cold hearted" is really just "programmed". I was
programmed not to sleep well, I was programmed not to cry, or to flinch,
and
that's NOT something I chose, and not something indicating "BAD". About
ten
years ago in the course of reading all kinds of stuff I read
some literature about torture, from war perspectives. It talked about
softening
the prisoners up by constant stress, not allowing them to sleep
uninterupted,
all kinds of things. I remember thinking that many people don't know how
close
the "war" really comes. Freud said something about ---more wounds and
scars
from the bedroom and nursery than any field of War-- sorry I don't
remember
the exact quote.

Yes to all of the above-- the physical explanations have been so helpful, as
I know now that there's a lot of stuff I can work on by just taking proper
care of myself. And I don't have to think I'm an awful person for not
having felt "enough" when certain things happened, or for having felt "too
much" during my early healing days. There was a reason for all of it, and
the reasons all make sense.

I remember reading for the first time about trauma in the context of hostage
and POW experiences. It was as if someone had taken my heart from my chest
and smeared it all across those pages, then handed it back to me. I can't
describe how well I related to those passages but it really brought a lot
home. Still does, whenever I read of these sorts of things happening in the
world.


I'm gonna go be kind to somebody today. Pass it on...there's too much
nasty out
there.

Yeah! Will do

Laura

In article ,
says...

Oh, and the thing about sitting with your back to a wall, facing an exit?
That's how I have to sleep, understandably. I really think that is part of
the reason that I can't sleep in the bed. Never thought about it until I
read your post. When I sleep on the couch, I can scrunch myself up against
the back... VERY safe feeling. The bed is in the middle of a wall with no
'safe' spots.

Is there any reason not to rearrange the room so that one side of the bed *is*
against the wall? Or would you feel "trapped" if you were sleeping next to the
wall and Prairieson was on the outside?

Celine

--
Handmade jewelry at http://www.rubylane.com/shops/starcat
"Only the powers of evil claim that doing good is boring."
-- Diane Duane, _Nightfall at Algemron_

IMO, a lot of wars are the results of those bedroom and nursery scars
being played out by adults on a global stage ... and a lot of those
who find themselves mindlessly scarring others may have been
conditioned to do such things being socialized in ways that make them
capable of being warriors. Not the brave and strong part of
warriorship, but the suppression of emotions so you can keep going in
spite of pain and grief, and the depersonalization of those you are
sanctioned to hurt and kill so that your side can 'win'.

Generations of soldiers, and of soldiers' children, are undiagnosed
and untreated sufferers of PTSD, I suspect. And they grow up to pass
the trauma, and the pattern on ...

Deirdre


On 02 Aug 2003 14:14:53 GMT, atspam (Sjpolyclay)
wrote:

---more wounds and scars
from the bedroom and nursery than any field of War--

When our department's workspace at the library was 'cubicled' instead
of being one open space full of individual desks and work areas , I
spent less than 20 minutes in mine before bursting into tears and
begging to have one wall removed, so I could still see people
approaching.

Went totally panicky hearing things I couldn't see and evaluate for
safety.

This stuff sticks with you, even if the environment is free of known
threats.

Deirdre

On Sat, 02 Aug 2003 10:59:02 -0700, vj wrote:

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Tink"
:

]Oh, and the thing about sitting with your back to a wall, facing an exit?
]That's how I have to sleep, understandably. I really think that is part of
]the reason that I can't sleep in the bed. Never thought about it until I
]read your post. When I sleep on the couch, I can scrunch myself up against
]the back... VERY safe feeling. The bed is in the middle of a wall with no
]'safe' spots.

here i thought that was just "me".


-----------
@vicki [SnuggleWench]
(Books) http://www.booksnbytes.com
(Jewelry) http://www.vickijean.com
-----------
The Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.
Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

Went totally panicky hearing things I couldn't see and evaluate for
safety.

I know exactly what you mean. I am not the
customer for headphones of any sort for the same reason. I want to hear what's
coming.
Sarajane

Sarajane's Polymer Clay Gallery
http://www.polyclay.com

view my auctions at:
http://www.polyclay.com/Collage/auction.htm

In article ,
says...

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Deirdre S.
:

]When our department's workspace at the library was 'cubicled' instead
]of being one open space full of individual desks and work areas , I
]spent less than 20 minutes in mine before bursting into tears and
]begging to have one wall removed, so I could still see people
]approaching.

that's almost exactly what happened to me - except that KNOWING i was
incredibly claustrophobic, they refused to take any of the partitions
down and told me to "learn to deal with it".

How long ago was this? Nowadays, that would fall under "refusal to make
reasonable accomodations for disability."

Celine

--
Handmade jewelry at http://www.rubylane.com/shops/starcat
"Only the powers of evil claim that doing good is boring."
-- Diane Duane, _Nightfall at Algemron_

Dr. Sooz wrote:
When my grandfather
was a child, being whipped with a switch was perfectly
acceptable as a practice for keeping children in line.
His father liked to use it until the blood ran down his
legs........

Yikes. I only got welts. (But I had to pick my own switch)

We were never hit with swithches, just hands and wooden spoons
applied to the behind. We were occasionally threatened with
a belt, but never hit with it.

Funny little story (it is now, it wasn't at the time) my parents
actually broke a wooden spoon on my behind, a vertical crack along
the grain of the timber. I never really felt either being swatted
by hands or the wooden spoon, which could be why the spoon broke!
Ihave no idea why I didn't feel pain on being hit, I just didn't.

--
Melinda
http://cust.idl.com.au/athol

I have my computer in the far corner of the basement, behind the furnace.

In restaurants, if I have a choice, I prefer to sit in a corner in a booth.
And I get the booth seat that backs up to the wall.. Above all else,
however, I refuse to sit at those square tables in the middle of the room.
Stresses me out so much I can't eat and usually triggers a panic attack.

--
Tinkster
www.imeltstuff.com
NEW eBay Sto http://www.stores.ebay.com/blackswampglassworks
Join my Mailing List:


"Kathy N-V" wrote in message
.com...

And I have a rear-view mirror on my computer. I cannot stand to have my
back
to the door, where people can sneak up on me.

It helps to talk about these things because it releases the power they have
over you. Their grip loosens more and more the more you talk about them.
~~
Sooz
-------
"Selective deafness, it's a wonderful thing." ~Kathy N-V
ESBC
~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html
~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z
http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html

"Deborah" wrote in message
...
I just found this thread.....whoa~

There's a great book written by Dr. Judith Herman called,
"Trauma and Recovery" You might find it interesting.

I'll second this recommendation, too. Great book.

Laura