Another Baby Quilt gone unappreciated?

You know, you make this sound like a venal witch hunt or begging for
compliments. She sent a gift. She'd like to know it arrived. Since
she didn't attach a return-receipt, she really doesn't have a way of
knowing whether it indeed was received.

This doesn't negate her generosity since she isn't asking for a quid
pro quo, all she wants to know is has the gift arrived. I don't think
she is out of line, although as noted in earlier emails, a new baby
generates a lot of stress and it is understandable that they may be
tardy in getting some acknowledgement out.

Frankly, from the tone of your email, I can't imagine you doing much of
anything with "cheerful" generosity - there was nothing cheerful OR
generous about your response.

Ronnie

In article , Tara
Henderson wrote:

I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.


"teleflora" wrote in message
...
Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well
my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going
to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of
those grammar rules with THAT sentence)

One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her
frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our
state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything.

Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I
didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do
something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it
while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really
cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it.

So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note
telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this
was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and
abused.

It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing.
Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like
them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I
haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's
wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be
sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a
newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received
it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt????
You can't put a dollar amount on it.

So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend
and ask her first? God, I hate these situations.

Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em.

Cindy

While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too
much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas
one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received
the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment
out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future.

lisae


Tara Henderson wrote:

I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.

"Tara Henderson" wrote in message
om...
I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.


Yeah, and that's why I don't wanna do it. But if they never got it in the
first place, then I do want to know that.

Cindy

Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.

I think it's just plain common courtesy on the recipients part to
acknowledge that the gift was received........via phone call, walk over and
say thanks, or drop them a note in the mail, as soon as possible after you
get the gift. Tackiness, to me, is not acknowledging the giver and letting
them know that the gift was received intact and in one piece without damage.
A simple "thanks" takes only a second. That is definitely not too much for
even a new parent to handle.
Shelly

"Tara Henderson" wrote in message
om...
I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.


"teleflora" wrote in message
...
Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt??
Well
my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am
going
to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most
of
those grammar rules with THAT sentence)

One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her
frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of
our
state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything.

Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy,
I
didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do
something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about
it
while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a
really
cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it.

So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note
telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that
this
was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and
abused.

It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a
thing.
Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not
like
them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast.
And I
haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if
something's
wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will
be
sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with
a
newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they
received
it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a
quilt????
You can't put a dollar amount on it.

So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my
friend
and ask her first? God, I hate these situations.

Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em.

Cindy


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.501 / Virus Database: 299 - Release Date: 7/14/03

I'm sure I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again.

When I was 16, my grandmother sent me a check. I deposited it and neglected to
thank her. She waited a year for my birthday again, then told me to my face and
with real bitterness in her voice, that I hadn't thanked her the previous year
which is why I wasn't getting anything that year. I was stung. There was
nothing I could do except apologize vainly. She was right; I was wrong; that
was that. She never mentioned it again. It has been 30 years, and I've never
forgotten a thank-you note since. A lesson like that, hard though it was, is
the best gift I could have gotten.

My point: Don't just stop giving your niece gifts. Make the gift even more
special. Risk her anger by explaining. It might be the nicest thing you ever
do for her.

--Lia



Lisa Ellis wrote:

While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too
much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas
one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received
the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment
out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future.

lisae

Since things are too often lost in the mail, I felt she was just trying to
find out whether it ever arrived or not - not asking for a huge big thank
you.
--
Donna in Idaho!
Project Linus Boise/SW Idaho Coordinator
Website: http://donnakwilts.tripod.com/

The ultimate inspiration is the deadline!
"Tara Henderson" wrote in message
om...
I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.


"teleflora" wrote in message
...
Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt??
Well
my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am
going
to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most
of
those grammar rules with THAT sentence)

One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her
frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of
our
state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything.

Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy,
I
didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do
something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about
it
while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a
really
cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it.

So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note
telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that
this
was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and
abused.

It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a
thing.
Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not
like
them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast.
And I
haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if
something's
wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will
be
sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with
a
newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they
received
it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a
quilt????
You can't put a dollar amount on it.

So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my
friend
and ask her first? God, I hate these situations.

Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em.

Cindy

Actually, tracking just tells you it was delivered. Not necessarily to the
right person. Unless you ask for a signature, it isn't guaranteed.

--
LN in NH
a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér
all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts!

"Marijke" wrote in message
.. .

"Roberta Zollner" wrote in message
...
We place entirely too much trust in the post office. I recently sent a
squishie to someone and didn't hear anything for quite a while. So with
trembling fingers, I sent her an email to ask if it had arrived. And it
hadn't! How would we have ever cleared that up if I couldn't have
brought
myself to ask the embarrassing question? A

I know what you mean. I pointed this out once when there was a thread
about
ungrateful squishie recipients. Now, in that particular case, the send
knew
that the recipient received it (through tracking) but I did point out that
often, mail goes astray. Good example, the hug quilt that took
wayyyyyyyyyy
too long to get from one province to the neighbouring one.

Marijke

Oh please... let's not start getting all negative again. She was just
stating that it could be a faux pas. Put the claws back in. Meow!


--
LN in NH
a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér
all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts!

"Ronnie Wexler" wrote in message
...
You know, you make this sound like a venal witch hunt or begging for
compliments. She sent a gift. She'd like to know it arrived. Since
she didn't attach a return-receipt, she really doesn't have a way of
knowing whether it indeed was received.

This doesn't negate her generosity since she isn't asking for a quid
pro quo, all she wants to know is has the gift arrived. I don't think
she is out of line, although as noted in earlier emails, a new baby
generates a lot of stress and it is understandable that they may be
tardy in getting some acknowledgement out.

Frankly, from the tone of your email, I can't imagine you doing much of
anything with "cheerful" generosity - there was nothing cheerful OR
generous about your response.

Ronnie

In article , Tara
Henderson wrote:

I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.


"teleflora" wrote in message
...
Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt??
Well
my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am
going
to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most
of
those grammar rules with THAT sentence)

One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her
frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of
our
state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything.

Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing
fancy, I
didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do
something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her
about it
while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a
really
cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it.

So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note
telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that
this
was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and
abused.

It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a
thing.
Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not
like
them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast.
And I
haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if
something's
wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will
be
sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is
with a
newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they
received
it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a
quilt????
You can't put a dollar amount on it.

So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my
friend
and ask her first? God, I hate these situations.

Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em.

Cindy

I don't think she was saying it ISN'T tacky to not thank someone (there! a
double negative). I think she was just saying it was tacky to go the passive
agressive route. If they didn't thank, they didn't. That's then their
problem. Not that I agree in all cases. I think children should be taught.
Adults, well, they should have been, but it may not be up to you to teach
them. Maybe it is. Depends on your relationship to the person.

In the case where you didn't personally hand someone the gift and you aren't
sure they received it, I think it is perfectly ok to ask. If you did hand it
over, then you know they have it and they just have no manners. (or their
thank you got lost in the mail.... but then, a double thank you never goes
unappreciated. Thank by phone and again by mail.)

--
LN in NH
a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér
all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts!

"Shelly" glass angel at charter dot net wrote in message
...
Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.

I think it's just plain common courtesy on the recipients part to
acknowledge that the gift was received........via phone call, walk over
and
say thanks, or drop them a note in the mail, as soon as possible after you
get the gift. Tackiness, to me, is not acknowledging the giver and letting
them know that the gift was received intact and in one piece without
damage.
A simple "thanks" takes only a second. That is definitely not too much for
even a new parent to handle.
Shelly

"Tara Henderson" wrote in message
om...
I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the
suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that
calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time
transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION
times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first
place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no
strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other
person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just
makes you look graceless and self-centered.


"teleflora" wrote in message
...
Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt??
Well
my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am
going
to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most
of
those grammar rules with THAT sentence)

One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her
frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of
our
state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything.

Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing
fancy,
I
didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do
something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her
about
it
while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a
really
cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it.

So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note
telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that
this
was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and
abused.

It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a
thing.
Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not
like
them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast.
And I
haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if
something's
wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will
be
sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is
with
a
newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they
received
it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a
quilt????
You can't put a dollar amount on it.

So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my
friend
and ask her first? God, I hate these situations.

Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em.

Cindy


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.501 / Virus Database: 299 - Release Date: 7/14/03

On Tue, 15 Jul 2003 16:53:02 -0700, Lisa Ellis
wrote:

While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too
much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas
one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received
the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment
out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future.

lisae

I sent gifts to my sister's kids in Alaska and my brother's kids in
Oregon for years - all hand-made stuffed animals and dolls and things.
It was cheaper to spend my time making things (lightweight things) to
post overseas than spending money on some plastic toy and shipping
that over.
All I wanted to know was if it arrived by Christmas - I know that is
important to small children. Very rarely did I ever find out whether
it had arrived (much less get a thank you). I don't think you can do
the signature required post by international mail. This experience
was draining, and after several years of sending boxes of homemade
things to my brother (our mother sewed all of our clothes and toys, so
he isn't ignorant of how much time is involved) I got tired of this
situation and stopped sending things to my brother. My sister put the
kids on the phone at their birthday (niece June 11th, niece June 14th)
one year and my niece told me how much she liked the doll I had sent
her. That made me feel that it hadn't been a waste of time after all.
This niece and nephew are 10 and 15 respectively (though Melissa is
10 going on 40) and I send them books now, and sewing things for
Melissa who seemingly was inspired by my last visit, etc. But for
those who say giving should be something the giver does independent of
the recipient's reaction, I would say that giving repeatedly with no
acknowledgement that the gift even arrived, much less was received, is
a very draining experience. No one likes to feel that they are taken
for granted.



-- Jo in Scotland