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#1
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Terribly OT opinions requested...
Please don't label me as a horrible person for these things, but I would like the input of anyone that has been a "new
mom" (even and especially if you have been said new mom more than once). I had a little spat with my mom again. She is upset because the only people that I will allow in the labor and delivery room with me while I'm in the process of bringing Ellie into the world is hospital staff (kept to a minimum....i.e. *no interns or students) and my husband. I don't want everyone and their dog stopping by to check on me and seeing me laid out like a filleted fish. This includes my parents and his parents. (His mom will be lucky if she gets within 5 miles of the hospital) I have watched TLC enough to notice the sheer numbers of people that enjoy watching a baby being born. I understand that it is truly an amazing sight to see, but I don't really feel like having the world look at my private areas....cameras of all types have also been banned (for me at least) during the birthing process. This is a personal choice that I'm making here, and I understand that it does not bother some people, but it bothers me. Mom has her nose out of place because I told her that she and everyone else can wait in the waiting room...I don't want visitors. (*interns and students are part of the cause in how I almost lost my life during my first experience with child birth, and a couple of the student nurses I had during my labor were MUCH less than professional...they giggled at me when the attending CNM lifted the sheet to do an exam to see how far I was dilated.) She thinks that everyone that wants to visit me should be allowed to visit me, that I shouldn't have a problem with people seeing my neither regions during the labor process because, according to her, "the doctors and nurses are going to be coming and going anyway, you should be used to it." Second sore spot with mom falls into the post delivery category. For my duration in the hospital, I only want my kids and husband in there. I don't want a parade of people. Its time for me, baby, kidlet the first, and the new daddy. It is my opinion that they can wait until we get settled at home before they come visit. Again, mom has her nose out of place on this one. She wants to be there to hold Ellie hours after her birth like she was for kidlet the first. I understand her want, but I am going to want to rest and get acquainted with the baby without a three-ring circus going on in the room (Labor is NOT an easy job if memory serves me correctly). Last time I was way groggy after the anesthetic and all people did was make noise and make it near impossible to rest. Staff would not ask them to leave after I requested that they do so. The last sore spot with mom (and the biggest I might add) is the fact that I am requesting surgical sterilization after the birth. DH is going to get "fixed" as well. Both of us see how hard pregnancy is on me and neither one of us want to go through this again. (I have a habit of pre-term labor that is NOT a barrel of monkeys) Both me and DH love and adore children, but my risks of having harder and harder pregnancies increase with each one (according to doc, who btw, is supporting my desire to have a tubal). We agreed that if we want more kids in the future, that we will adopt. (I, for the record, am adopted so I don't understand her issue with this one) Mom thinks that I will regret this decision and shouldn't do it. Do you guys think that I should please the planet by letting people see me in all my glory whilst I feel terribly uncomfortable? Do you guys think that I should let the outside world turn my hospital room into a major hub of activity? Do you think that at 27, after major complications during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and two kids, that I should reconsider my choice to be sterilized? Opinions are being requested, but flames are not. I'm getting enough heat from my mom on these topics to last a lifetime. TIA, Karlee in Kansas -- Visit my web page! www.angelfire.com/ks3/karlee/index.html Our family page: http://groups.msn.com/brennanfamilypage -- |
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#2
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Karlee,
I've only been a Mom once, but I felt a lot like you did. I delivered almost a month early, we didn't tell anyone I was in labor except my best friend and we only told her because we were all supposed to have lunch together that day. Needless to say, I missed lunch. My mom had died by the time I had Perry so I didn't have to deal with that. We had my Dad in for one half hour of "grandson holding" and my inlaws in for the same. After I went home, I told everyone I was turning off the phone, no visitors until we said it was OK. Everyone was pretty cool with that. If you get an argument, tell them the hospital (or your doctor) has new rules and you can only have one person in L & D with you. Most hospitals here follow that rule anyway. Good luck. Remember, this is YOUR baby, not your Mom's or your Mother in laws. You deserve the kind of delivery YOU want. If they give you a hard time, tell them they are upseting you and your doctor has told you to avoid stress (not really a lie since stress is felt by the baby). Patti |
#3
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Karlee, those are your choices to make, and no one else's. I'm glad you're
standing firm. It's not up to anyone else to agree or disagree or to understand. It might be time to give an "end of discussion" ultimatum. Or, at least, turn it around and ask mom how she would have felt if someone was trying to tell her what she should and shouldn't do during YOUR birth. -- Tinkster www.imeltstuff.com NEW eBay Sto http://www.stores.ebay.com/blackswampglassworks Join my Mailing List: |
#4
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Karlee:
Not that I am anywhere close to "qualifying" to answer your question, being a guy, but my jaw absolutely dropped when I read your post. Your mom is way way way out of line as far as I can see it. It is completely your decision, and only magnified by the many details that you bring up. Mom: NO MEANS NO! Stick to your guns, and best of luck! --Dave "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message ... Please don't label me as a horrible person for these things, but I would like the input of anyone that has been a "new mom" (even and especially if you have been said new mom more than once). I had a little spat with my mom again. She is upset because the only people that I will allow in the labor and delivery room with me while I'm in the process of bringing Ellie into the world is hospital staff (kept to a minimum....i.e. *no interns or students) and my husband. I don't want everyone and their dog stopping by to check on me and seeing me laid out like a filleted fish. This includes my parents and his parents. (His mom will be lucky if she gets within 5 miles of the hospital) I have watched TLC enough to notice the sheer numbers of people that enjoy watching a baby being born. I understand that it is truly an amazing sight to see, but I don't really feel like having the world look at my private areas....cameras of all types have also been banned (for me at least) during the birthing process. This is a personal choice that I'm making here, and I understand that it does not bother some people, but it bothers me. Mom has her nose out of place because I told her that she and everyone else can wait in the waiting room...I don't want visitors. (*interns and students are part of the cause in how I almost lost my life during my first experience with child birth, and a couple of the student nurses I had during my labor were MUCH less than professional...they giggled at me when the attending CNM lifted the sheet to do an exam to see how far I was dilated.) She thinks that everyone that wants to visit me should be allowed to visit me, that I shouldn't have a problem with people seeing my neither regions during the labor process because, according to her, "the doctors and nurses are going to be coming and going anyway, you should be used to it." Second sore spot with mom falls into the post delivery category. For my duration in the hospital, I only want my kids and husband in there. I don't want a parade of people. Its time for me, baby, kidlet the first, and the new daddy. It is my opinion that they can wait until we get settled at home before they come visit. Again, mom has her nose out of place on this one. She wants to be there to hold Ellie hours after her birth like she was for kidlet the first. I understand her want, but I am going to want to rest and get acquainted with the baby without a three-ring circus going on in the room (Labor is NOT an easy job if memory serves me correctly). Last time I was way groggy after the anesthetic and all people did was make noise and make it near impossible to rest. Staff would not ask them to leave after I requested that they do so. The last sore spot with mom (and the biggest I might add) is the fact that I am requesting surgical sterilization after the birth. DH is going to get "fixed" as well. Both of us see how hard pregnancy is on me and neither one of us want to go through this again. (I have a habit of pre-term labor that is NOT a barrel of monkeys) Both me and DH love and adore children, but my risks of having harder and harder pregnancies increase with each one (according to doc, who btw, is supporting my desire to have a tubal). We agreed that if we want more kids in the future, that we will adopt. (I, for the record, am adopted so I don't understand her issue with this one) Mom thinks that I will regret this decision and shouldn't do it. Do you guys think that I should please the planet by letting people see me in all my glory whilst I feel terribly uncomfortable? Do you guys think that I should let the outside world turn my hospital room into a major hub of activity? Do you think that at 27, after major complications during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and two kids, that I should reconsider my choice to be sterilized? Opinions are being requested, but flames are not. I'm getting enough heat from my mom on these topics to last a lifetime. TIA, Karlee in Kansas -- Visit my web page! www.angelfire.com/ks3/karlee/index.html Our family page: http://groups.msn.com/brennanfamilypage -- |
#5
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I'm with you on all counts, Karlee. It's YOUR birthing and YOUR decision.
Moms have a tough time letting their kids be moms on their own, but, well.....tough! I totally agree about the circus-like nature of some births, and that's just from the staff! G You need whatever you need to do the work of labor (it IS work) and also, not to sound negative but should there be any complications, hustling non-essential personnel out is a major mess. Post delivery, again, wise call. Bless my mom, she was very non-circus about things too. I had c-sections (by surprise) both times and she was a wonder helping me out...right until I brought my baby home the first time (she had complications and stayed a week beyond me) and right until my son and I came home the second time (she helped out with my daughter). There's plenty of time (years and years) to do extended bonding afterwards. I WILL say, though, I really could've used her help longer the second time. As far as getting "fixed" goes G again, that's YOUR decision to make, and nobody else's. I will tell you that I loved being pregnant, but had lousy 3rd trimesters and deliveries both times. The second was something I will never share with a mom-to-be, though I'm a lot more mellow about it now. My boy was a moose and did not get born easily. While they were preparing to close I asked about more kids (I'd really wanted a bigger family). The doc advised me that I'd formed adhesions from the first c-section and that while I had a good labor right until the end the second time (I was aiming for VBAC) any subsequent babies would be automatic C-secs. Nope, uh-uh, NOT doing that a third time! Unfortunately it was a catholic hospital (what was I thinking???) so they wouldn't fix me. My ex did the deed a few weeks later. My experience, my judgement, etc was unique to my situation....just as yours is to you. If your DH and you agree that enough is enough, it's nobody else's business. And, coming from a kid who's adopted, and a mom who desperately wished to have her own kids, be delighted with what you (will) have. Tell your mom her opinion is noted and you understand how eager she is and how much she cares about you, and ask her to please respect your decisions for YOUR family. Hugs and good luck, -- KarenK Desert Dreamer Designs http://members.cox.net/desertdreameraz/ Ebay Sto http://www.stores.ebay.com/desertdreamerdesigns JustBeads: http://www.justbeads.com/search/ql.cfm?s=DesertDreamer |
#6
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Karlee,
It's obvious that your mom has never been in your situation or she would be more sensitive to it. No - stick to your guns about the delivery room. She has no right to impose her wants, she has to remember that she is NOT the center of attention here! However, as a grandmother, I do understand her desire to see the baby as soon as possible and to hold it. I think you should relent on this after she promises to only stay one hour and not bring anyone else with her. No one else needs to be there, but the grandmother does have some rights here. IMHO, of course. As for your other question - again, it's none of her business. Just answer her by saying, I'm following the advice of my doctor. That's it. end of story. And here's a tip for you. Ask her to help you in some way. Make her feel important, either by baby sitting with your older child, or helping you clean while you are in the hospital or doing some cooking for you - whatever would work best for you. My feeling is that if you make her part of the process, you will both feel better about the whole thing. I hope it works out exactly the way you want it. Can't wait to see baby pictures! Cheri (Bubbee to Emily and Nathan) |
#7
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These are your desicions to make, not your mom's and whether she likes it or
not you have the right to keep her and all other vistors other than your husband and child out...You have every right to be "alone" (I put alone in quotes meaning no other family other than your other child and your husband) during the birth and afterward. Tell your mom and all the family to leave, and they can see Elle through the nursery window or after you bring her home. There is no need for a million people to parade through the room (thankfully my mom and Michael's (my hubby) parents where the only ones who came to see us in the hospital...my mom stayed with us for a few days to help out.) I think your desicion to be sterilized is wise if you have had so many problems with your pregnancies. It definetly saves on the chances that you could get pregnant again and have it be harder the next time around. There are alot of children who need good homes waiting to be adopted (speaking from a general point of view here, despite the fact that I spent just short of 10 yrs in the State of Maine's custody, for reasons will not be discussed further). Good luck with your desicions Karlee. Don't let your mom make you feel bad and sure as hell don't let her tell you what she wants...well she can but that doesn't mean she will get it...don't let her make you feel guilty for not wanting other people around either...You've got enough sh*t to worry about right now without her butting in. Marissa "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message ... Please don't label me as a horrible person for these things, but I would like the input of anyone that has been a "new mom" (even and especially if you have been said new mom more than once). I had a little spat with my mom again. She is upset because the only people that I will allow in the labor and delivery room with me while I'm in the process of bringing Ellie into the world is hospital staff (kept to a minimum....i.e. *no interns or students) and my husband. I don't want everyone and their dog stopping by to check on me and seeing me laid out like a filleted fish. This includes my parents and his parents. (His mom will be lucky if she gets within 5 miles of the hospital) I have watched TLC enough to notice the sheer numbers of people that enjoy watching a baby being born. I understand that it is truly an amazing sight to see, but I don't really feel like having the world look at my private areas....cameras of all types have also been banned (for me at least) during the birthing process. This is a personal choice that I'm making here, and I understand that it does not bother some people, but it bothers me. Mom has her nose out of place because I told her that she and everyone else can wait in the waiting room...I don't want visitors. (*interns and students are part of the cause in how I almost lost my life during my first experience with child birth, and a couple of the student nurses I had during my labor were MUCH less than professional...they giggled at me when the attending CNM lifted the sheet to do an exam to see how far I was dilated.) She thinks that everyone that wants to visit me should be allowed to visit me, that I shouldn't have a problem with people seeing my neither regions during the labor process because, according to her, "the doctors and nurses are going to be coming and going anyway, you should be used to it." Second sore spot with mom falls into the post delivery category. For my duration in the hospital, I only want my kids and husband in there. I don't want a parade of people. Its time for me, baby, kidlet the first, and the new daddy. It is my opinion that they can wait until we get settled at home before they come visit. Again, mom has her nose out of place on this one. She wants to be there to hold Ellie hours after her birth like she was for kidlet the first. I understand her want, but I am going to want to rest and get acquainted with the baby without a three-ring circus going on in the room (Labor is NOT an easy job if memory serves me correctly). Last time I was way groggy after the anesthetic and all people did was make noise and make it near impossible to rest. Staff would not ask them to leave after I requested that they do so. The last sore spot with mom (and the biggest I might add) is the fact that I am requesting surgical sterilization after the birth. DH is going to get "fixed" as well. Both of us see how hard pregnancy is on me and neither one of us want to go through this again. (I have a habit of pre-term labor that is NOT a barrel of monkeys) Both me and DH love and adore children, but my risks of having harder and harder pregnancies increase with each one (according to doc, who btw, is supporting my desire to have a tubal). We agreed that if we want more kids in the future, that we will adopt. (I, for the record, am adopted so I don't understand her issue with this one) Mom thinks that I will regret this decision and shouldn't do it. Do you guys think that I should please the planet by letting people see me in all my glory whilst I feel terribly uncomfortable? Do you guys think that I should let the outside world turn my hospital room into a major hub of activity? Do you think that at 27, after major complications during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and two kids, that I should reconsider my choice to be sterilized? Opinions are being requested, but flames are not. I'm getting enough heat from my mom on these topics to last a lifetime. TIA, Karlee in Kansas -- Visit my web page! www.angelfire.com/ks3/karlee/index.html Our family page: http://groups.msn.com/brennanfamilypage -- |
#8
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Karlee -- how many people werre in the delivery room when YOU were born? You
might ask your mom that...... She is upset because the only people that I will allow in the labor and delivery room with me while I'm in the process of bringing Ellie into the world is hospital staff (kept to a minimum....i.e. *no interns or students) and my husband. ~~ Sooz ------- ESBC ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
#9
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Second sore spot with mom falls into the post delivery category. For my
duration in the hospital, I only want my kids and husband in there. I don't want a parade of people. I never let people visit me while I'm in the hospital for any reason. Period. Too bad if they don't like it. I was in the hospital for Christmas once, and no one was allowed to come see me. It's YOUR choice, not hers. You're not there for her benefit, nor are you there to play hostess. Jeez. ~~ Sooz ------- ESBC ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
#10
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How about if you allow her to visit post-birth, but limit the amount of time?
A compromise. ~~ Sooz ------- ESBC ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
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