OT Old parents ( much too long).was Survey Question: ages of needleworkers?

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....... You, Gill and I are/were unable to put these mothers in homes, if we
did we would not enjoy ourselves anyway. To me it is horrifying to
read what Tia says (and heaven knows it takes a bit to horrify me lol)
but I guess if you can do it, go right ahead. Those of us who cannot
or will not, must then try to be very supportive of each other. ...........

I think part of the difference in attitude is a generational thing. But
that's just a part. For MOI, I had absolutely NO problem putting my Mother in
a nursing home because she was dying of cancer. We had *never* gotten along
and there was no way I was going to ruin my mental and physical health (and
that IS what would have happened) by taking care of her. Sheena, I know you
aren't pointing a finger or being judgmental and I DO understand your position.

I did my best for Mom by going to the nursing home every day -- Monday
through Friday -- and staying from 8:00 AM until 2:00 PM. I did this for about
4 months and then had to go back to work -- couldn't do without the $$ any
longer. My Mom passed away about 2 weeks after I went back to work but I knew
I had done as much as *I* could do for her.
For me, it was a situation of helping my Mom but not being responsible for
her care. I didn't mind being there every day and keeping her company and
helping her with whatever she needed. The Nursing Home was responsible for her
care and I was just there to "do" for her. She was mean and spiteful and nasty
to me almost every day but I was there anyway. I knew she was having to deal
with the fact that she was dying and that would make anyone upset, to say the
least.
I felt no guilt about not taking my mother into my home to care for until
she died. I knew if I had done that, I would have grown to hate her long
before she crossed the Rainbow Bridge. As I said, we had never gotten along
and I never enjoyed being around her for any length of time.
In Gillian's case, I don't think her MIL deserves to have Gillian and DH
care for her. I do understand why she provides the care for her MIL -- I was
raised to believe that kids are supposed to take care of their parents when
they are old and dying.
Now, when you read the rest of this, read it all before you get too ****ed
off at me OK? I have grown to believe that being old doesn't mean you should
be treated any better than those who are younger. Just because a person is
"older" doesn't mean that person is better or "deserves" any special treatment
-- it only means you have lived longer than others. The type of person you
have been throughout life is what earns you the benefit of being treated
"better" as you age. Agreed, the elderly often have special needs and I have
no problem with that -- things like making accommodations for seating, etc. My
dad is one of those who feel that the simple fact of his having lived 92 years
has earned him preferential treatment. For example, he thinks that when he
walks into a restaurant, he should be seated ASAP and not made to wait his turn
simply because he has lived 92 years!
I don't think anyone should just be dumped in a home -- retirement or
nursing -- and then forgotten. That's especially cruel for many of the
elderly because they were raised to believe and expect that they would be cared
for by their families. Unfortunately, it sounds like Gillian's MIL hadn't
bothered to be part of the family until she wanted something from them!
Sounds selfish to MOI and NOT deserving of the time, effort, money and
everything else that Gillian is giving her.

PAX, Tia Mary ^;;^
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their
WHISKERS!!
Nothing is complete without a few cat hairs!