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#21
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Julia,
I never thought about explaining to her why I stopped giving her gifts, I think I sort of figured that she is smart and would figure it out. I guess I will have to consider consider bringing the topic up. lisae Julia Altshuler wrote: I'm sure I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again. When I was 16, my grandmother sent me a check. I deposited it and neglected to thank her. She waited a year for my birthday again, then told me to my face and with real bitterness in her voice, that I hadn't thanked her the previous year which is why I wasn't getting anything that year. I was stung. There was nothing I could do except apologize vainly. She was right; I was wrong; that was that. She never mentioned it again. It has been 30 years, and I've never forgotten a thank-you note since. A lesson like that, hard though it was, is the best gift I could have gotten. My point: Don't just stop giving your niece gifts. Make the gift even more special. Risk her anger by explaining. It might be the nicest thing you ever do for her. --Lia Lisa Ellis wrote: While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future. lisae |
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#22
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(Cringing in her shoes...)
Jo...remember that stuff you sent my kids more than a year ago? Their thank-you notes to you have been sitting on the top of my chest of drawers about 13 or 14 months. I need to get them mailed to you. Still same address? Do you need the green flannels anymore or can I just leave that out? Dragonfly (embarrassed) Johanna Gibson wrote in message . .. On Tue, 15 Jul 2003 16:53:02 -0700, Lisa Ellis wrote: While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future. lisae I sent gifts to my sister's kids in Alaska and my brother's kids in Oregon for years - all hand-made stuffed animals and dolls and things. It was cheaper to spend my time making things (lightweight things) to post overseas than spending money on some plastic toy and shipping that over. All I wanted to know was if it arrived by Christmas - I know that is important to small children. Very rarely did I ever find out whether it had arrived (much less get a thank you). I don't think you can do the signature required post by international mail. This experience was draining, and after several years of sending boxes of homemade things to my brother (our mother sewed all of our clothes and toys, so he isn't ignorant of how much time is involved) I got tired of this situation and stopped sending things to my brother. My sister put the kids on the phone at their birthday (niece June 11th, niece June 14th) one year and my niece told me how much she liked the doll I had sent her. That made me feel that it hadn't been a waste of time after all. This niece and nephew are 10 and 15 respectively (though Melissa is 10 going on 40) and I send them books now, and sewing things for Melissa who seemingly was inspired by my last visit, etc. But for those who say giving should be something the giver does independent of the recipient's reaction, I would say that giving repeatedly with no acknowledgement that the gift even arrived, much less was received, is a very draining experience. No one likes to feel that they are taken for granted. -- Jo in Scotland |
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