OT - the squirrel and the grasshopper

Original version:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The
shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

The British version:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The
shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter but a social worker finds
the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know
why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC
shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with
cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
table laden with food. The British press inform people that they should
be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer, while others have plenty. The Labour Party,
Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate
in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural
festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a
multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants
in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the Squirrel got rich off the
backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the
squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for
squirrels to enter inner London . In response to pressure from the
media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti
Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The
squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for
failing to hire grasshoppers as Builders for the work he was doing on
his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the
grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a
council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local
taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is
seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society, in this
case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the
fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to
downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over
his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking
cats, who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain because they had to
share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow
up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs. The cats had
been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted
bombing, but were immediately released because the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return
them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they
would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain
money from people's credit cards. A Panorama special shows the
grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring
is still months away, while the council house he is in crumbles around
him, because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be
taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the
grasshopper's drug 'illness'. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing
an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is
imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a
few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor
and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost
GBP10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put
into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers, and legal
aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The cats seek
recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in
UK. The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching
Britain's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by The
government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a
drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious
failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from
social inequity and his traumatic experience of Prison. They call for
the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid a million pounds each
because their rights were Infringed when the government failed to inform
them there were mice in the United Kingdom. The squirrel, the dogs and
the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies
have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover
losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are
told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in
government funds.
The squirrel? He moved to France.
--
Bruce Fletcher
Stronsay, Orkney
www.stronsay.co.uk/claremont

Bruce wrote:
Original version:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
sum

snipped
ringed when the government failed to inform
them there were mice in the United Kingdom. The squirrel, the dogs and
the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies
have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover
losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are
told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in
government funds.
The squirrel? He moved to France.

Oh, such a good one, Bruce. I wonder what our grandparents would have
said of the world today.

Gillian

Oh, such a good one, Bruce. I wonder what our grandparents would have
said of the world today.

Gillian

What my Granddaddy used to say. "The world is going to hell in a
handbasket, downhill." Frances

Bruce wrote:

The squirrel? He moved to France.

Because somehow the person who made up this story thinks that the
situation is different in France? Ok, yeah.

Elizabeth
--
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~living well is the best revenge~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The most important thing one woman can do for another is to illuminate
and expand her sense of actual possibilities. --Adrienne Rich
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On 11/20/07 2:02 PM, in article
, "Dr. Brat"
wrote:

Bruce wrote:

The squirrel? He moved to France.

Because somehow the person who made up this story thinks that the
situation is different in France? Ok, yeah.

Elizabeth

I've actually seen lots of variants of this...
C