Very OT; cat lover or not-long

Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating..... I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me
in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a
second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all
rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight ' syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there,
done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew!


Why is it that only the women laugh at this??

And where exactly did you place the spew warning on this one, m'dear?
You are now commissioned to come clean my monitor!

Dannielle - still ROFLMAO!!!

That is toooooo funny! And while I was reading it, I was picturing our
little Rowdy, who sinks his claws into anything that moves - a coat, the
sheets as I try to put them on the bed, my feet under a quilt, laundry as
I'm trying to fold it. I'll remind DH to be on the lookout and never to put
himself in such a compromising position!

Thanks for a good laugh.
--
Louise in Iowa
nieland1390@mchsi dot com
http://community.webshots.com/user/louiseiniowa


"Gen" wrote in message
...
Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating..... I simply mentioned that I
had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had
given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks
me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a
second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior
as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost
all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising
at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from
my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight ' syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this
from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there,
done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out
of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew!


Why is it that only the women laugh at this??

On Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:37:29 -0500, Gen wrote
(in article ):

Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating..... I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me
in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a
second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all
rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight ' syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there,
done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew!


Why is it that only the women laugh at this??




ROTFLOL!

Maureen

It is still a funny story after all these years! I first heard it
told by an army medic in the 1960's who worked at the military
hospital here in Ottawa. He related the incident as a witness to the
events in the emergency room after the patient was admitted. Some
words have been changed to protect the sensitive areas (pardon the
pun) but the story will probably live into infinity. I wonder when it
really originated? jennellh


On Mar 16, 7:37*pm, "Gen" wrote:
* * * Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

* * * We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one:

* * * Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
lying.

* * * On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating..... I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
* * * kitty.

* * * Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
* * * Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

* * * 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it.'

* * * 'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

* * * 'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me
in?'

* * * There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a
second.'

* * * So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly.

* * * Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
* * * find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

* * * It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all
rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.

* * * Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight ' syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and
* * * forcefully impeded my ascent.

* * * The impact knocked me out cold.

* * * When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

* * * Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there,
done-that' paramedics.

* * * Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

* * * Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about, which it was.

* * * 'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
* * * If they only knew!

* * * Why is it that only the women laugh at this??

jennellh wrote:
It is still a funny story after all these years! I first heard it
told by an army medic in the 1960's who worked at the military
hospital here in Ottawa. He related the incident as a witness to the
events in the emergency room after the patient was admitted. Some
words have been changed to protect the sensitive areas (pardon the
pun) but the story will probably live into infinity. I wonder when it
really originated? jennellh

Snopes dates it back to the 1960's too.
http://www.snopes.com/critters/farce/hindlick.asp

Lizzy

I don't know where it originated, but it actually happened to the DH of a
nurse I used to work with, except he didn't get knocked out.
Gen


"jennellh" wrote in message
...
It is still a funny story after all these years! I first heard it
told by an army medic in the 1960's who worked at the military
hospital here in Ottawa. He related the incident as a witness to the
events in the emergency room after the patient was admitted. Some
words have been changed to protect the sensitive areas (pardon the
pun) but the story will probably live into infinity. I wonder when it
really originated? jennellh


On Mar 16, 7:37 pm, "Gen" wrote:
Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating..... I simply mentioned that I
had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage
on
the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me
in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a
second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior
as
extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost
all
rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight ' syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this
from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet
bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there,
done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out
of
me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk
about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this??