Happiness is

Both my kids were given 'the facts' very early in life (around three or
four, from memory). I believe knowledge is power and I didn't want them
to be developing a morbid fascination with some mysterious but
untalked-of force that was whispered about among ill-informed kids in
the loos at school.

As they grew older and got to the point where the opposite gender became
interesting, I began to talk to them about the pressures we experience
from friends and other peers. I've invested an *awful* lot of effort
into encouraging my kids to be their own person and teaching them not to
be afraid to stick out a bit from the crowd.

DS has been a unique kettle of fish, since his autism has seriously
affected his ability and desire to socialise. However DD is right at the
point where social identity and peer pressure are at a peak in her
consciousness. Like any teenager, she's anxious to do, wear and say
anything that will brand her as one of the group. I see this as one of
the more unfortunate aspects of modern life and have been working
diligently to try and give her a more realistic perspective on things
like suitable dress, behaviour and, right at the moment, language.

Sometimes when she has friends over, we have really great discussions
about the sorts of pressures they experience at school etc and lots of
times I hear of the pressure from boys to 'do it' or at least to allow
uncomfortable access to touching/petting etc. It's useful to be able to
describe my own experiences and express to them the blows one takes to
one's spirit when a trusted boyfriend goes too far or takes unwanted
liberties. In addition, they need to know that sexual touching feels
darned good and once begun is very difficult to switch off. We've
promoted the whole notion of 'if it feels good, do it' for so long that
our kids are utterly engulfed by it! Restraint is not a popular
construct in this age, but practice in using it might be part of the
solution to this child-sexuality dilemma.

I don't know what the answers are, but I do know that preaching
abstinence and 'just say no' isn't it. Kids are born with a hot,
throbbing sexuality: it's part of who they are. They need to know how to
nurture it properly, not put it at the bottom of their priority list
after hair-care and make-up.

--
Trish Brown {|:-}

Newcastle, NSW, Australia

Jangchub wrote:


Where does she and her FFL stand on the death penalty? I find it
curious to find people who are pro life are the same people who want
to fry prisoners.

v
Victoria

Which if one were a Christian takes away a persons chance of salvation
The death penalty that is. if one believed as many fundamentalists do
that one can have an Epiphany, except Jesus and be saved. So it boggles
my mind the many Christian who are for the death penalty.
Being an agnostic I am apposed to it simply because they make too many
mistakes.
Ruby

Jangchub wrote:



Point taken, but boys don't get pregnant so there is more danger for
the girl who is going to have sex. Boys should be taught, but
regardless, the girls can get pregnant, the boys do not. The girls
should be responsible for their bodies.

Victoria

I kept out of this until now. My Japanese DDil and my son informed me
that most women and young adults in Japan would NEVER consider sex with
an unprotected partner. The pill is not that easily available and it is
the Man's obligation and responsibility to protect their partner.

I realize that it is a different country and culture, but it certainly
shows that the respect toward one another was ingrained at some very
early point.

JMO Bobbie V.

Queencityxstitcher wrote:
Jangchub wrote:



Point taken, but boys don't get pregnant so there is more danger for
the girl who is going to have sex. Boys should be taught, but
regardless, the girls can get pregnant, the boys do not. The girls
should be responsible for their bodies.

Victoria


I kept out of this until now. My Japanese DDil and my son informed me
that most women and young adults in Japan would NEVER consider sex with
an unprotected partner. The pill is not that easily available and it is
the Man's obligation and responsibility to protect their partner.

I realize that it is a different country and culture, but it certainly
shows that the respect toward one another was ingrained at some very
early point.

But even that is just not about respect for the other. It's also a
smart response in terms of self-ca "no condom, no sex." It's not
just about getting pregnant - there are lots of other repercussions to
unprotected sex, most of which are more likely to show up in the female
than in the male simply because of the geography of things.

I've heard woman/girls say that they can't get their partner to agree to
wear a condom, but I think that they don't insist enough. I suspect a
lot of guys would give in and wear one if not wearing one meant they
were gonna keep their pants on. Certainly when I was younger and looser
all I had to do was say "oh well" and start to leave to get compliance
on that issue.

Elizabeth
--
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~living well is the best revenge~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The most important thing one woman can do for another is to illuminate
and expand her sense of actual possibilities. --Adrienne Rich
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jangchub wrote:

Ironically, a 15 and 17 year old are their ages and they are not
sexually active. When you hush hush it, make it a sin, pump it up to
be something dirty and the rest, you almost thrust kids into having
sex as this mystery comes with the interest.


As we discovered in my group of friends. Some of us were raised closer
to the Old Country than others. At Tommy's 18th birthday party, his
(Americanized) mother decided to surprise him by serving beer (at that
time, the drinking age was 18). I chirped up that I didn't really feel
like beer, could I have a Coke, and since I'd broken the ice, a few more
of the group admitted they really weren't in the mood for beer, either.

She did a quick analysis of the situation and realized that (with near
100% accuracy) those of us who came from European-style homes where we'd
been allowed to drink from toddlerhood were the ones asking for Coke,
and the ones from the American-style homes where you couldn't drink
until you were 18 were the ones drinking beer.

Since it wasn't forbidden fruit, we didn't see this as "a crime of
opportunity". It was always available, so why binge-drink at parties?

--
Karen C - California
Editor/Proofreader www.IntlProofingConsortium.com

OCTOBER IS DISABILITY AWARENESS MONTH

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Retrieved from UFO pile: Marbek's Snow Angel, MLI Farmers Market

CFSfacts -- where we give you the facts and dispel the myths
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Dr. Brat wrote:

I've heard woman/girls say that they can't get their partner to agree to
wear a condom, but I think that they don't insist enough. I suspect a
lot of guys would give in and wear one if not wearing one meant they
were gonna keep their pants on. Certainly when I was younger and looser
all I had to do was say "oh well" and start to leave to get compliance
on that issue.



Being the only girl in a room full of guys who often forgot I was a
girl, I heard a lot of stuff that girls aren't supposed to hear. If
Susie says "no condom, no fun", and sticks to her guns, they were just
as likely to go over to Sally's place, because Sally didn't insist. I
heard enough of this to realize that the guys knew every girl on campus
who wasn't going to insist.

--
Karen C - California
Editor/Proofreader www.IntlProofingConsortium.com

OCTOBER IS DISABILITY AWARENESS MONTH

Finished 10/7/08 - Sun Fun (Dimensions)

WIP: Nativity from "Countdown to Christmas" book, Oriental Kimono
(Janlynn),
MLI The Teacher (gift to the library), Bethany Angel (Marbek)
Retrieved from UFO pile: Marbek's Snow Angel, MLI Farmers Market

CFSfacts -- where we give you the facts and dispel the myths
Myths, with research cites: http://www.aacfs.org/images/pdfs/myths.pdf
Newest research blog: http://journals.aol.com/kmc528/Lifeasweknowit/
AOL BLOGS CLOSING OCTOBER 31

Karen C in California wrote:

Dr. Brat wrote:


I've heard woman/girls say that they can't get their partner to agree
to wear a condom, but I think that they don't insist enough. I
suspect a lot of guys would give in and wear one if not wearing one
meant they were gonna keep their pants on. Certainly when I was
younger and looser all I had to do was say "oh well" and start to
leave to get compliance on that issue.



Being the only girl in a room full of guys who often forgot I was a
girl, I heard a lot of stuff that girls aren't supposed to hear. If
Susie says "no condom, no fun", and sticks to her guns, they were just
as likely to go over to Sally's place, because Sally didn't insist. I
heard enough of this to realize that the guys knew every girl on campus
who wasn't going to insist.

What they told each other they did and what they actually did were often
two different things. Nobody ever walked out on me (or for anyone else
I knew, for that matter) for my insisting.

Elizabeth
--
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~living well is the best revenge~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The most important thing one woman can do for another is to illuminate
and expand her sense of actual possibilities. --Adrienne Rich
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The sad thing is that girls want a romance. The pressure to be on
someone's arm is *so* intense: most girls ache for some spunky young
bloke to front up and ask them 'will you Go Out with me?'. These days,
that question generally equals 'will you have sex with me on *my* terms?'.

The boys aren't interested in whether the girl's ready to give herself
just yet. They don't want to know about her worries and fears about peer
judgements, parental discovery, STIs or pregnancy. They *just want to
relieve themselves* of burgeoning hormones. That's a biological fact.
Poor boys. It's certainly hard for them (no pun intended), but the
girls' make-up is vastly different and what they're craving is the
caring, loving and trust. It's a recipe for disaster and only a bit of
maturity can solve the problem so that both parties get a semblance of
what they want.

IMHO, leaping into the sack *before* the responsibility-hormone has
kicked in is just dicing with disaster. I did it and I paid the price:
it was costly! It cost me my youth, my carefree spirit and such a huge
amount of self-esteem, I'm still getting over it. Going through a teen
pregnancy *changes* a girl forever! Going through an abortion does that
too! So does relinquishing a child for adoption! Not one of the
scenarios is cosy or comfortable. Well... not nearly as cosy or
comfortable as an ill-planned sexual relationship...

To be honest, I'm less concerned about the pregnancy risks than I am
about the risks to a girl's self-esteem. The depth of rejection a girl
feels when her fertility betrays her and her man does a bunk is
*inestimable*!!! I can't stress that enough. I've seen it again and
again and again. The girl must then struggle to build some kind of life
for herself, whether she keeps her child or does not. She has to wrestle
with the daily question of her own worthiness. 'He loved me madly! Now
he's gone. Am I *that* awful? Is it because I gave in and had sex or is
it because I'm fundamentally ugly and horrible?' Those questions live on
long after the bloke has nicked off. This is the worst part of the harm
that's done and no human being should have to ask those questions.

Of course, there are always merry souls who can and do hop in the hay
with all and sundry and suffer no ill-effects. I've no idea which group
is the larger, but all I can say is, I've met far more young girls who
are unhappy about their boys' sexual demands and wish it could be otherwise.

So, how come the boys usually manage to get what they really want and
the girls seldom do?

I remember watching an episode of Oprah where a bevy of young girls
described how they 'protected' themselves by only consenting to oral
sex. Each one of them admitted how dirty and used it made her feel, but
it was better than 'going all the way'. As someone else mentioned, it
was far too easy for the boys to go off and find someone who *would*
than stay with a girl who refused sexual activity. There's something
wrong with the way we're raising our kids if that's the case.

The women's revolution has given females access to guilt-free sex, but
it hasn't cured them of bowing to men's demands in order to get one (a
man, that is). What do others think?

--
Trish Brown {|:-}

Newcastle, NSW, Australia

On Oct 11, 2:28*am, Jangchub wrote:
On Thu, 9 Oct 2008 10:52:36 -0400, anne wrote:
Jim *says...
As a male, I hesitate to join in the discussion. *

I almost always like to hear from the other side of the aisle, especially when
the thoughts are well presented instead of using inflammatory rhetoric.

Let me just note I am pro choice

I wish the rabid 'pro-lifers' could/would come up with viable alternatives for
unplanned and sometimes unwanted babies who quite often end in the less than
perfect foster care system.

Unfortunately, pro-life doesn't include adults because most if not all
will also go to the end of the earth to impose the death penalty. Life
is life. *What if they could somehow see into the future of the baby
before its born? *If they saw this baby would be a career criminal.
Would that baby then get the death penalty in advance or would they
wait till it kills and maims and rapes and robs.

Due to what you wrote before , it is very strange that you have
empathy for unborn babies , BUT not AS YOU YOURSELF Stated for the
Victims of 9/11? as you said you felt compassion for the
terrorists , Where is your pro life feeling ? Whole families sufffered
from this terror act.
mirjam

On Oct 11, 3:05*am, Jangchub wrote:
On Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:05:59 -0300, Ruby





wrote:
Jangchub wrote:

Where does she and her FFL stand on the death penalty? *I find it
curious to find people who are pro life are the same people who want
to fry prisoners.

v
Victoria

Which if one were a Christian takes away a persons chance of salvation
The death penalty that is. *if one believed as many fundamentalists do
that one can have an Epiphany, except Jesus and be saved. So it boggles
my mind the many Christian who are for the death penalty.
Being an agnostic I am apposed to it *simply because they make too many
mistakes.
Ruby

Even if they don't make a mistake. *I write to death row inmates. Both
confessed to their crimes. *Horrible, violent terrible crimes. Look
one of them up: Ted Calvin Cole. *After many, many, many appeals over
19 years his sentence was revolked and he is awaiting a new sentence.
He could still get life, but if he does get life he will get out so
they are trying to keep him in. *Anyway, the death penalty is killing.
Killing is killing. *Because the law allows for it doesn't change that
it is killing. *It's very sad all the way around, but it does help
people who are openminded to develop compassion for friend, enemy or
stranger. *
Victoria
You are against Death Penalty , but Have Compaassion for MASS killers
=terrorists , none of those was sorry .... not even those people who
sent them tyo murder ... I am against death penalty , from a moral
point of view,, But i am against any compassion for murders may their
REASON be what ever it is ,,,,
mirjam