OT-Spew Warning-Governmentium

Now tell me--does this describe your government? And I don't care where
you live, it probably fits.

Governmentium

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant
neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as the
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons