Update on my story

DH and I talked about it this evening. I was wrong about how he felt
about the news. I had not shared everything with him but gave him bits
and pieces. This was wrong on my account. I was afraid of his reaction
even though he never gave me any reason to do so. He doesn't know how he
wants to handle this because all he can feel right now is anger at me
for leaving him out of the picture. Hopefully in time we will be able to
talk and he will want to meet the young man.
I will continue to work on the quilt I am making for my son and try to
talk and share more with DH.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.

Kathleen in TX

Kathleen, I read your story and wish everyone joy in the discovery of
new family.
What you did in 1971 was very personal to you, and after all this time
it is still sensitive. That is something a partner has to to
understand, but unfortunately it doesn't happen like that sometimes.
You can only share what you are comfortable sharing, and if it is bits
and pieces, then it is.

I hope that your husband will come to see how finding your son has
given you a new excitement, and peace of mind, and he will accept it
all. Give him some time. As exciting as it is for you, it is a shock
for him.

Ginger in CA

On Mar 27, 4:11*pm, Bob & Kathleen wrote:
DH and I talked about it this evening. I was wrong about how he felt
about the news. I had not shared everything with him but gave him bits
and pieces. This was wrong on my account. I was afraid of his reaction
even though he never gave me any reason to do so. He doesn't know how he
wants to handle this because all he can feel right now is anger at me
for leaving him out of the picture. Hopefully in time we will be able to
talk and he will want to meet the young man.
I will continue to work on the quilt I am making for my son and try to
talk and share more with DH.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.

Kathleen in TX

Bob & Kathleen wrote:
DH and I talked about it this evening. I was wrong about how he felt
about the news. I had not shared everything with him but gave him bits
and pieces. This was wrong on my account. I was afraid of his reaction
even though he never gave me any reason to do so. He doesn't know how he
wants to handle this because all he can feel right now is anger at me
for leaving him out of the picture. Hopefully in time we will be able to
talk and he will want to meet the young man.
I will continue to work on the quilt I am making for my son and try to
talk and share more with DH.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.

This is so hard. Kathleen, I will pray for you and for all your family.

I am so happy for you to have found your son. It was a wonderful gift of
love on your part when you let him go. I am glad you arre able to see what
a gift it was by seeing the man he is today. I will pray for you and your
family as you work on adding him and his family to yours.

--
Charlotte
http://community.webshots.com/user/charh108
http://s256.photobucket.com/albums/hh171/charh108/


"Melanie Rimmer" wrote in message
...
Bob & Kathleen wrote:
DH and I talked about it this evening. I was wrong about how he felt
about the news. I had not shared everything with him but gave him bits
and pieces. This was wrong on my account. I was afraid of his reaction
even though he never gave me any reason to do so. He doesn't know how he
wants to handle this because all he can feel right now is anger at me for
leaving him out of the picture. Hopefully in time we will be able to talk
and he will want to meet the young man.
I will continue to work on the quilt I am making for my son and try to
talk and share more with DH.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.

This is so hard. Kathleen, I will pray for you and for all your family.

Kathleen, that was NOT wrong on your part ... if talking about it, feeling
it, or thinking about it in "bits and pieces" is how you deal with it,
that's simply what it is. Emotions, and the way we deal with them (unless it
involves physically harming someone else or oneself) are NEVER wrong. We're
all, as Lewis Black says, little snowflakes ... none of us are the same.
While it's unfortunate that your hubby doesn't have your method of dealing
as his own, it's certainly not YOUR fault or your problem ... it's HIS.

My momma has a saying (and believe me, she is one VERY smart woman): "Who
has the right to cry more?" If you've got a bleeding head wound and your
hubby has a stubbed toe, who gets to cry the loudest (and get the most
attention)? I'd say YOUR feelings and needs need to come FIRST. Not his.

You're going through a "traumatic event" (even though your story's having a
happy ending with a wonderful reunion with your son and his family) ...
chances are, you're reliving the past (which is NEVER easy), dealing with
the loss all over again and trying to fit the person you were THEN with the
person you are NOW. That's never, ever, easy. Hubby needs to understand that
and give you all the room you need to cope with what you're going through
.... not try to be the center of attention himself (which is what it sounds
as though he's doing).

Not trying to be a jerk to you or your hubby ... and I'm certainly not
trying to bum you out, Sweetie. Just want you to understand that you've got
a lot on your plate and right now, no matter how beautiful the future is
with your son, you need the support of your hubby. And he needs to "suck it
up" and give it to you. If he has issues with how you're handling things or
doling out info, LATER is the time to deal with THAT.

Many, many, many gentle prayers and sweet thoughts heading your way,
Darlin'. You hang in there and let us know how it's going. If you feel the
need to talk more privately, just e-mail me (or anyone else here, I'm sure).
You've got people that care about you.
--
Connie :-)
FREE patterns n' FREE eZine at my blog:
http://sewverycreative.blogspot.com


"Bob & Kathleen" wrote in message
...
DH and I talked about it this evening. I was wrong about how he felt
about the news. I had not shared everything with him but gave him bits
and pieces. This was wrong on my account. I was afraid of his reaction
even though he never gave me any reason to do so. He doesn't know how he
wants to handle this because all he can feel right now is anger at me
for leaving him out of the picture. Hopefully in time we will be able to
talk and he will want to meet the young man.
I will continue to work on the quilt I am making for my son and try to
talk and share more with DH.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.

Kathleen in TX

Men just don't react to problems or situations as women do. You are
thinking of your son and his family and how wonderful it is to have them in
your life; your husband is probably thinking of your son's father. Sorry,
but that is just how men are; never right or wrong, just that their minds
are made differently than ours. They have a difficult time understanding
that women don't stay in love forever with a man just because she's had his
child. The absence of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Once your husband is reassured he is the only man you love, the only man you
care about, and the only man you want to spend the rest of your life with,
he'll probably be fine. How long will that take? Each man has his own
timeframe. I do know they often say everything is okay and they understand
long before it really is and they really do. Perhaps he just needs to know
there isn't another man on the face of this earth with whom you'd rather
share this wonderful news, and you'll tell him what you can.

You have my best wishes, Kathleen, for understanding and support from your
husband, for a new relationship with your newly found son, for a wonderful
relationship with your grandchildren. None of this will be perfect because
God doesn't make perfect people, and relationships take work, but I do pray
all of this will be truly positive for all of you.


"Bob & Kathleen" wrote in message
...
DH and I talked about it this evening. I was wrong about how he felt about
the news. I had not shared everything with him but gave him bits and
pieces. This was wrong on my account. I was afraid of his reaction even
though he never gave me any reason to do so. He doesn't know how he wants
to handle this because all he can feel right now is anger at me for
leaving him out of the picture. Hopefully in time we will be able to talk
and he will want to meet the young man.
I will continue to work on the quilt I am making for my son and try to
talk and share more with DH.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.

Kathleen in TX

I hope your story has a happy ending. This kind of discovery can be
handled in so many different ways. We have a family story going on
right now.

My Son in law never met his father because he left before SIL has any
memory of him. During his life, he was pretty much given non answers
by his mother. Now, at age 27, he managed to locate the man through
internet research.

His father is receptive to a relationship, as is his wife. His
teenage children are a little more gobsmacked and unsure. Happily,
SIL got to meet his father this week. Both related their fear that
the other wouldn't show. The father even arranged for a special cake
to welcome SIL to the family!!

The real roadblock he hasn't leapt yet is telling his mother. She has
all kinds of issues and may be bipolar, so he really isn't planning to
tell her unless it becomes absolutely necessary. None of them live in
the same cities, so it won't be that hard to keep a secret. His
brother is keeping a child a secret from his mother due to these
issues.

All in all, it is still a good thing they met no matter their future
relationship. My SIL finally feels complete and he got answers to
some medical questions. I hope you find the "completeness" with some
kind of relationship you can all handle. It doesn't have to be daily
face to face relationship, just what you all feel comfortable with.
Moni
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