TIDBITS 12/11/05

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The Greatest Creature on Earth

I have to tell you that when it comes to the making of animal
jewelry no one--in my mind--ranks higher than David Webb ... not
only for his skills ... but also for his innovativeness.

That said ... let us sally forth in our never-ending quest for
knowledge of the highest caliber ... and let us speak of one of
David Webb's creations. There may be those of you out there who
believe that the great flood that almost decimated mankind was the
result of forty days and forty nights of rain. Nay nay dear souls.
'T'warn't so. What happened was that our mighty creature had the
immense capacity of swallowing all the waters of the earth--and
in fact did so once--causing a great drought. The solution was--of
course--to make our creature laugh ... which was accomplished by
a comic of the highest order (an eel in fact) ... making our creature
roar with laughter ... spilling out all of the earth's waters ...
and effectually almost drowning all of mankind. That's how it really
happened dear souls ... and any tale to the contrary just ain't so.

Our noble fellow has many other qualities that have over the eons
served humankind well ... and it is important to dispense knowledge
as rapidly as possible so that those of you who might suddenly find
yourselves one day--through no fault of your own--in a land where
there are no doctors and where an immediate cure to ensure one's very
survival is not readily at hand … in order to ensure your very
existence.

So here is it: He is one of the signs of the Japanese Zodiac. He has
the ability to predict rain. In fact ... in times of severe drought
.... one has only to swing one around at the end of a string in order
to bring rain. Want to get the truth out of a woman. Gently lay this
creature's tongue over her heart ... and she will not utter a lie
again. It works better than Senegalese Thunderstruck as truth serum.

Carry our creature's decayed bones in your pocket ... and you will
become ever so popular ... especially with the opposite sex. Bury this
fellow in your fields ... and the birds will stay away. Swallow one
.... and your cancer--should you have one--will disappear. No
radiation. No chemo. No nothing. Never kill one however ... for they
are the souls of dead children.

You have an eye inflammation you say? Ophthalmologist is out playing
golf and can't see you till one month from Tuesday between the hours
of 11:00 a.m. and 11:02 a.m. What to do what to do? Simple. Poke the
corresponding eye out of our creature and hang it around your neck and
poof ... inflammation is gone. And you probably saved yourself a
bundle because your insurance plan doesn't cover eye inflammations
unless they are caused by dust in the air ensuing from a stampeding
herd of elephants at midnight.

And last but not least ... it is said that if you boil our little hero
in water and vinegar and then hold him in your mouth ... any toothache
you might have had will be gone. It is also said that if you don't
like holding him in your mouth ... you can also cure your toothache by
spitting in his mouth. I find this a rather quaint concept. Now hold
your mouth open there fella whilst I gather some saliva.

As to our mystery guest's identity ... well ... he's a Frog. And what
a gorgeous frog he is. Another one of David Webb's magnificent
creations. 18 karat gold. Enamel. Diamond brooch. Value: Approximately
$6500.00. Maybe more. Go take a look.

For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits...may
I direct you to my home page at www.tyler-adam.com where
you will scroll down the left side menu till you get to the area
that says Current Tidbits ... and then click on it in order to
view a frog of no minor importance.

And there ya have it.
That's it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.
Benjamin Mark

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