Cigarette-end Paper Mache

Hello everyone, I thought I might pass on a tip to those of you on a
budget who want to make your Christmas spend go further this year.

Cigarette-end Paper Mache! It's bound to have ANY child addicted
within minutes.

Simply collect up those old, discarded cigarette-ends (you're sure to
find hundreds on the floor of your local Benefits Office). Empty out
any unused tobacco and store this for use later.

Now the fun starts! Your children will become hooked within seconds as
they help soak the brown paper strips away from the cotton. Again,
ladies, remember to save any leftovers; a thrifty wife will soon spin
that cotton into a useful, exotic yarn. Be SURE to make your children
wash their hands before handling the cigarette ends; harmful bacteria
may damage the fabric, and a childs finger can be home to as many germs
as your husbands penis, so ladies - take care here!

Now add more water to the mixture and if you've been following you'll
now have a wonderful yellowish pulp which you must allow to stand for a
few days. Make sure the mixture doesn't dry out by adding unwanted
fluids occasionally. Remove any unwanted cat-solids BEFORE they have a
chance to set.

After a week your cigarette-end Paper Mache should be ready for your
kids to model with. Encourage their creativity, like one happy mother
who wrote that her talented youngster had won a local contest with his
cigarette-end model of 20 Malboro Lights ...

Happy Christmas and Best wishes
Helga Walters (Housekeeper)