Jeesh... back again!

My newsgroups were out again all day today... and I just NOW got on to read
them. /

Matthew was up tarring the foyer where it was leaking the worst the other
day, and back (over the bathroom, *kitchen* where it was leaking a lot the
other day, and laundry room) roofs today. I managed to fix the two screens
(my bedroom, and the back screen door) that had come undone at the bottoms
and up one side thanks to our dogs pushing against them.... while Matthew
was on the back roof working. I stood outside my bedroom window to fix that
one, and sat on the deck just outside the back door with two doggie noses
watching me through the window of the door as I fixed the screen.

After fixing the screens and getting salads ready for lunch, and when
Matthew went back up on the back roof to finish, I went into the pool to
cool off. Of course when I got in the pool and Matthew spotted me from the
roof he said "Now that's just plain mean!" LOL He took a shower after
tarring the roofs, and had to use some of that gritty soap to remove some
tar that he got on BOTH calves... and he has *very* hairy legs. I offered
to remove the tar... in a waxing-like way, but he wouldn't go for that!
LOL

Anyway, things have been fixed up here... and even with two large buckets of
the fiberated tar, Matthew said there is a very small section that he didn't
have enough for... right in front of where the ladder was for about two
feet. So we'll have a look in the same store we got this stuff from to see
if they have a small pail of the stuff just so he can finish the *entire*
roof once and for all. Oh, and doing it this way was a LOT cheaper (less
that $100 for two large buckets of fiberated tar and a broom to apply it)
than the estimate we had gotten to do it ($600 for a sheet of sticky-backed
stuff that is supposed to be very good and long-lasting... but that was just
for the small foyer roof alone). And apparently this tar stuff that Matthew
did is supposed to take about 7 - 10 days for it to totally dry.

About two hours after Matthew finished tarring the roof, and was gone away
for the evening... we got hit with another thunder and lightning storm with
a lot of rain. I was going around checking all the places it had been
pouring in the other day, and where we had left the buckets and pots... and
not one single drop came in at all. YAY!!!! )

So... all in all, it was a pretty good day! *whispering.... shhh, knock on
wood*

Gemini

FIngers crossed that it "took"! I gather that you and Matthew are friends
today?

Hugs,
Katherine

MRH wrote:
My newsgroups were out again all day today... and I just NOW got on
to read them. /

Matthew was up tarring the foyer where it was leaking the worst the
other day, and back (over the bathroom, *kitchen* where it was
leaking a lot the other day, and laundry room) roofs today. I
managed to fix the two screens (my bedroom, and the back screen door)
that had come undone at the bottoms and up one side thanks to our
dogs pushing against them.... while Matthew was on the back roof
working. I stood outside my bedroom window to fix that one, and sat
on the deck just outside the back door with two doggie noses watching
me through the window of the door as I fixed the screen.
After fixing the screens and getting salads ready for lunch, and when
Matthew went back up on the back roof to finish, I went into the pool
to cool off. Of course when I got in the pool and Matthew spotted me
from the roof he said "Now that's just plain mean!" LOL He took a
shower after tarring the roofs, and had to use some of that gritty
soap to remove some tar that he got on BOTH calves... and he has
*very* hairy legs. I offered to remove the tar... in a waxing-like
way, but he wouldn't go for that! LOL

Anyway, things have been fixed up here... and even with two large
buckets of the fiberated tar, Matthew said there is a very small
section that he didn't have enough for... right in front of where the
ladder was for about two feet. So we'll have a look in the same
store we got this stuff from to see if they have a small pail of the
stuff just so he can finish the *entire* roof once and for all. Oh,
and doing it this way was a LOT cheaper (less that $100 for two large
buckets of fiberated tar and a broom to apply it) than the estimate
we had gotten to do it ($600 for a sheet of sticky-backed stuff that
is supposed to be very good and long-lasting... but that was just for
the small foyer roof alone). And apparently this tar stuff that
Matthew did is supposed to take about 7 - 10 days for it to totally
dry.
About two hours after Matthew finished tarring the roof, and was gone
away for the evening... we got hit with another thunder and lightning
storm with a lot of rain. I was going around checking all the places
it had been pouring in the other day, and where we had left the
buckets and pots... and not one single drop came in at all. YAY!!!!
)
So... all in all, it was a pretty good day! *whispering.... shhh,
knock on wood*

Gemini

"Katherine" wrote in message
...
FIngers crossed that it "took"! I gather that you and Matthew are friends
today?

Today... well, yesterday we were! Not sure about today, we haven't spoken
yet... I got on the computer after letting the dogs out, and Matthew has
been in front of the TV. We *could* be good for a few hours and then all
hell breaks loose. I swear, he has become extremely distant within this
last 1 1/2 months since he started dating this girl and we used to be closer
than I had ever seen any mother/child. We rarely talk anymore without
getting into a heated arguement, and apparently (her mom called me on
Sunday) she's doing the same thing with them. She calls him three or four
times a day... her mom said that she bought her last boyfriend (with whom
she had a child, who she is rarely home to say goodnight to anymore) a cell
phone and used to call and check up on him at work all the time. I am NOT
a happy camper about this relationship... and the sad thing is there isn't
anything I can do about it, he isn't a minor anymore. I tried to tell him
from the beginning that she was manipulating him into being HER boyfriend
rather than the girl who he had been interested in and this one was
*supposedly* trying to help him with... but he didn't/doesn't believe it.
Even her own mother said that she is manipulative and bossy and has to have
her own way on things. /

Gem

MRH wrote:
"Katherine" wrote in message
...
FIngers crossed that it "took"! I gather that you and Matthew are
friends today?

Today... well, yesterday we were! Not sure about today, we haven't
spoken yet... I got on the computer after letting the dogs out, and
Matthew has been in front of the TV. We *could* be good for a few
hours and then all hell breaks loose. I swear, he has become
extremely distant within this last 1 1/2 months since he started
dating this girl and we used to be closer than I had ever seen any
mother/child. We rarely talk anymore without getting into a heated
arguement, and apparently (her mom called me on Sunday) she's doing
the same thing with them. She calls him three or four times a
day... her mom said that she bought her last boyfriend (with whom she
had a child, who she is rarely home to say goodnight to anymore) a
cell phone and used to call and check up on him at work all the time.
I am NOT a happy camper about this relationship... and the sad thing
is there isn't anything I can do about it, he isn't a minor anymore. I
tried to tell him from the beginning that she was manipulating him
into being HER boyfriend rather than the girl who he had been
interested in and this one was *supposedly* trying to help him
with... but he didn't/doesn't believe it. Even her own mother said
that she is manipulative and bossy and has to have her own way on
things. /

Oh, I know all about this kind of thing! I am glad that my children are
grown up. I still worry, but at least I don't have to deal with it the way
I did when we were all living under the same roof. If it is any
consolation, this too will pass, and you will be best friends again.
You are doing the right thing by not interfering, as that will only
cause more problems. I know how difficult it is to keep your mouth
shut, but that is definitely the best policy right now. Eventually he
will see her for what she is, and you will be able to stop worrying
about her.
I'll pray for both of you.

Hugs,
Katherine

"Katherine" wrote in message
...
MRH wrote:
"Katherine" wrote in message
...
FIngers crossed that it "took"! I gather that you and Matthew are
friends today?

Today... well, yesterday we were! Not sure about today, we haven't
spoken yet... I got on the computer after letting the dogs out, and
Matthew has been in front of the TV. We *could* be good for a few
hours and then all hell breaks loose. I swear, he has become
extremely distant within this last 1 1/2 months since he started
dating this girl and we used to be closer than I had ever seen any
mother/child. We rarely talk anymore without getting into a heated
arguement, and apparently (her mom called me on Sunday) she's doing
the same thing with them. She calls him three or four times a
day... her mom said that she bought her last boyfriend (with whom she
had a child, who she is rarely home to say goodnight to anymore) a
cell phone and used to call and check up on him at work all the time.
I am NOT a happy camper about this relationship... and the sad thing
is there isn't anything I can do about it, he isn't a minor anymore. I
tried to tell him from the beginning that she was manipulating him
into being HER boyfriend rather than the girl who he had been
interested in and this one was *supposedly* trying to help him
with... but he didn't/doesn't believe it. Even her own mother said
that she is manipulative and bossy and has to have her own way on
things. /

Oh, I know all about this kind of thing! I am glad that my children are
grown up. I still worry, but at least I don't have to deal with it the way
I did when we were all living under the same roof. If it is any
consolation, this too will pass, and you will be best friends again.
You are doing the right thing by not interfering, as that will only
cause more problems. I know how difficult it is to keep your mouth
shut, but that is definitely the best policy right now. Eventually he
will see her for what she is, and you will be able to stop worrying
about her.
I'll pray for both of you.

Oh I went through a period when my parents had to be dead wrong about a boy
I liked too... but I was 15 (ie. Young and stupid). Matthew is going to be
24 in a couple of weeks, you'd think he'd be adult enough now to realize
that I should know a little better than he does about relationships (and
people in general) considering that he only ever had two highschool
girlfriends who he barely kissed on the cheek, and one best friend since
grade 10. I have always had gut feelings about people, and they are 99.9%
right... but he just refuses to listen about this girl at all. They only
started dating on June 10th and they are already talking about moving in
together and marriage has even been mentioned. I have outright told him in
our last BIG battle (as her parents have told her) that if he does this he
will lose me and our good relationship forever, and he is my only child...
that's how dead set against this relationship I am! I can so see how she
has manipulated him every step of the way.. and all he can see is "She's
nice and understanding!"

Gem (

MRH wrote:
"Katherine" wrote in message
...
MRH wrote:
"Katherine" wrote in message
...
FIngers crossed that it "took"! I gather that you and Matthew are
friends today?

Today... well, yesterday we were! Not sure about today, we haven't
spoken yet... I got on the computer after letting the dogs out, and
Matthew has been in front of the TV. We *could* be good for a few
hours and then all hell breaks loose. I swear, he has become
extremely distant within this last 1 1/2 months since he started
dating this girl and we used to be closer than I had ever seen any
mother/child. We rarely talk anymore without getting into a heated
arguement, and apparently (her mom called me on Sunday) she's doing
the same thing with them. She calls him three or four times a
day... her mom said that she bought her last boyfriend (with whom
she had a child, who she is rarely home to say goodnight to
anymore) a cell phone and used to call and check up on him at work
all the time. I am NOT a happy camper about this relationship...
and the sad thing is there isn't anything I can do about it, he
isn't a minor anymore. I tried to tell him from the beginning that
she was manipulating him into being HER boyfriend rather than the
girl who he had been interested in and this one was *supposedly*
trying to help him with... but he didn't/doesn't believe it. Even
her own mother said that she is manipulative and bossy and has to
have her own way on things. /

Oh, I know all about this kind of thing! I am glad that my children
are grown up. I still worry, but at least I don't have to deal with
it the way I did when we were all living under the same roof. If it
is any consolation, this too will pass, and you will be best friends
again. You are doing the right thing by not interfering, as that will
only
cause more problems. I know how difficult it is to keep your mouth
shut, but that is definitely the best policy right now. Eventually he
will see her for what she is, and you will be able to stop worrying
about her.
I'll pray for both of you.

Oh I went through a period when my parents had to be dead wrong about
a boy I liked too... but I was 15 (ie. Young and stupid). Matthew
is going to be 24 in a couple of weeks, you'd think he'd be adult
enough now to realize that I should know a little better than he does
about relationships (and people in general) considering that he only
ever had two highschool girlfriends who he barely kissed on the
cheek, and one best friend since grade 10. I have always had gut
feelings about people, and they are 99.9% right... but he just
refuses to listen about this girl at all. They only started dating
on June 10th and they are already talking about moving in together
and marriage has even been mentioned. I have outright told him in
our last BIG battle (as her parents have told her) that if he does
this he will lose me and our good relationship forever, and he is my
only child... that's how dead set against this relationship I am! I
can so see how she has manipulated him every step of the way.. and
all he can see is "She's nice and understanding!"

OH, dear! This doesn't sound good, at all. My Alec went through similar
episodes, but fortunately, settled down with a lovely girl. She has said
that if they ever get divorced, she wants me. g
I'll be praying, Gem.
Good luck.
Katherine

"MRH" mthecarpenteratxcelcodotondotca wrote in message
...
"Katherine" wrote in message
...
FIngers crossed that it "took"! I gather that you and Matthew are friends
today?

Today... well, yesterday we were! Not sure about today, we haven't
spoken yet... I got on the computer after letting the dogs out, and
Matthew has been in front of the TV. We *could* be good for a few hours
and then all hell breaks loose. I swear, he has become extremely distant
within this last 1 1/2 months since he started dating this girl and we
used to be closer than I had ever seen any mother/child. We rarely talk
anymore without getting into a heated arguement, and apparently (her mom
called me on Sunday) she's doing the same thing with them. She calls
him three or four times a day... her mom said that she bought her last
boyfriend (with whom she had a child, who she is rarely home to say
goodnight to anymore) a cell phone and used to call and check up on him at
work all the time. I am NOT a happy camper about this relationship...
and the sad thing is there isn't anything I can do about it, he isn't a
minor anymore. I tried to tell him from the beginning that she was
manipulating him into being HER boyfriend rather than the girl who he had
been interested in and this one was *supposedly* trying to help him
with... but he didn't/doesn't believe it. Even her own mother said that
she is manipulative and bossy and has to have her own way on things.
/

Gem


Your son is a grown man. You've got to let him lead his own life. Maybe he
prefers in-charge type women, and maybe that's due to the way he was raised.
Gem, his personal life just not your business anymore. He is already late
in making the mistakes we all need to make to learn how to be a successful
adult.

Kiddo, I can't even imagine talking over personal details of my son's
relationships with the mother of a woman he would be dating. If you want to
have a good interactive relationship with him as he mates/marries/raises a
family, you need to pull back now.

JaneB
(You posted it so I thought it would be okay to respond truthfully.)

"JaneB" wrote in message
...

Your son is a grown man. You've got to let him lead his own life. Maybe
he prefers in-charge type women, and maybe that's due to the way he was
raised. Gem, his personal life just not your business anymore. He is
already late in making the mistakes we all need to make to learn how to be
a successful adult.

I am very aware that my son is a grown man, and I have tried to help him to
act more maturely all along and to make mature decisions... and for the most
part he has done well. It is *this* instance where there is/was a major
problem... but we have worked things out ourselves without anyone else's
help. And oh, by the way, he was raised NOT to let other people make
decisions for him... and this girl is not simply an in-charge type, her own
mother said that she is bossy and manipulates people to have things her own
way.

Kiddo, I can't even imagine talking over personal details of my son's
relationships with the mother of a woman he would be dating. If you want
to have a good interactive relationship with him as he
mates/marries/raises a family, you need to pull back now.

I did not call his girlfriend's mother, she called here looking to speak to
Matthew who had just stormed off out the door with her daughter... and *she*
was the one who was doing most of the talking about the changes she has seen
in her daughter over the last five years.... I said very little. And for
the record, I have pulled back so far from what has been going on with my
son that I often feel that I don't even know what the hell is going on in
his life anymore. We were always close and *always* were able to
communicate freely about everything... but now he has closed up about most
things, except when he was coming in after a date storming around and
snapping at me about how "We are sick of our parents trying to hold us
back!" when I hadn't even said anything to him at all about his girlfriend
(she and her parents had been arguing, but I got the brunt of it from my
son), or much of anything else that day, and we *had* actually been speaking
nicely to each other before he left. So don't point fingers at me about
staying out of his life and letting him make his own mistakes, when I have
done nothing but try to do just exactly that without having to be told to do
so by someone else, and the *only* time I have snapped back at him was when
I was jumped on for no reason whatsoever.

So yes, I was feeling very defensive when I was snapped at for no reason
other than his girlfriend being bitchy and Matthew taking it out on me...
and I told him (and meant every word at the time) that I would disown him if
he continued on with this relationship. If it comes to that and I do stick
with what I said, it will be my choice and my consequences to deal with.

(You posted it so I thought it would be okay to respond truthfully.)

Yes I did post, to Katherine!

Thanks for your input, but Matthew and I are handling it on our own.

Gemini

"Katherine" wrote in message
...

OH, dear! This doesn't sound good, at all. My Alec went through similar
episodes, but fortunately, settled down with a lovely girl. She has said
that if they ever get divorced, she wants me. g
I'll be praying, Gem.
Good luck.
Katherine

Thank you for letting me vent, Katherine. *hugs* I really needed to let
off some steam that day, I was very stressed by it all.

Matthew contacted his girlfriend's mother and he was invited to supper (I
was too, but Matthew wanted to do this on his own, so I declined.) to talk
to her parents before his girlfriend got home from work. He told her mother
that he didn't feel right about talking about Christina without her being
there, but they actually wanted a chance to get to know him a little on
their own because Christina never allowed them to be alone long enough for
them to get a feel for him at all. I drove him there and dropped him off,
then I came home and went in the pool for a bit (I shouldn't do that without
Matthew being here, in case I have a problem getting out, but I really
needed to unwind.) which helped me to calm down and relax a bit.

Apparently they (Matthew and her parents) had a nice get-to-know-you talk
before Christina came home, and then they all had a talk about the way
things have been going. When Christina drove Matthew home they sat in the
car in the laneway for over an hour talking about the night's events, and
Matthew told me that he spoke to Christina about trying to talk more with
her parents instead of storming out the door everytime things don't go the
way she wants... and that her parents *do* love her and want to see the old
Christina the way she was before five years ago... and apparently Christina
said she would try. Her parents like Matthew now, and I have noticed that
he has become a lot less tense since things have settled down between
Christina and her parents.

They have decided *not* to move in together, and will wait at *least* one
year before marriage. Matthew and I are back on track with our good
mother/son relationship. I still have my doubts and reservations about
Christina (gut feeling), but like I've said many times... he is an adult and
I can't stand with my hand on his shoulder throughout his life... if it
fails, it fails... there isn't anything I can do about it but watch and hope
for the best for him.

Thank you again for being there for me to pour my heart out to. )

*hugs*
Gem

MRH wrote:
snip

Thank you again for being there for me to pour my heart out to. )

ANy time, sweetie. That's what friends are for.

Hugs,
Katherine