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OT For the Brits - re the Ashes



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 6th 06, 10:28 AM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Cats
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,853
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

These appeared on the internet within an hour of the match
ending. Don't follow the game myself, but some of these are
actually a little funny.


Another Sad Horrific English Series (ASHES) jokes

Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?

A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason



Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.



Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the
next ball almost

always takes a wicket?

A. A bat.



Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?

A. An allrounder.



Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and
Geraint Jones

have over the rest of their team-mates?

A. At least they can say they're not really English.



Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?

A. Three runs in three balls.



Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his
name?

A. A bowler.



Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by
English batsmen?

A. The walk back to the pavilion.



Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?

A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.



Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?

A. Because he was born in England.



Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?

A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.



Q. What's the English version of LBW?

A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.



Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the
English team?

A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.



Only those who follow the game of cricket (or live in a
Nation ruled by the outcome of this ritualised battle
between Aus and Eng) would understand. Personally I never
understood the attraction of standing in the middle of a
wide open space in 100degree heat for days, any more than I
understand the appeal of sitting and watching people doing
this.

I think the series now stands at two/nil in favour of Aus,
with three matches to go - but I'm not interested enough
to check. lol
--

Cheryl & the Cats in OZ
o o o o o o
( Y ) ( Y ) ( Y )
Enness Boofhead Donut
http://community.webshots.com/user/witchofthewest
catsatararatATyahooDOTcomDOTau



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  #2  
Old December 6th 06, 01:43 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Kate XXXXXX Kate XXXXXX is offline
Banned
 
First recorded activity by CraftBanter: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,708
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Hehehehe... As James said last night: All that fuss over a bit of burnt
wood!

I follow (vaguely) Scotland's progress in the Six Nations, but that's
about all. James occasionally force feeds me Arsenal's lates escapdes
with that boring round thing... As for tennis! That's great! I almost
like shopping during Wimbledon!
  #3  
Old December 6th 06, 03:48 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Patti
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 5,076
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Cheryl - that is downright cruel and wicked and ... ... very impolite.
Ugh!
There are black clouds all over England.
But, what you Aussies forget is that you are trying to regain the Ashes
that *we* won last year. Ha!

If you want me to revert to school playground retaliation, I will.
Otherwise, please cease and desist; and let us mourn in peace.

As for 'letting' a Scot join in - you should be ashamed. Remember who
your ancestors were.
Huh! gg
..
In message , CATS
writes
These appeared on the internet within an hour of the match
ending. Don't follow the game myself, but some of these are
actually a little funny.

snipped - jingoistic insults
--
Best Regards
pat on the hill
  #4  
Old December 6th 06, 04:29 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
KJ
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3,129
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Oh my! Do I sense a bit of..........bitterness??? g Wow, Cheryl, you
got quite a rise out of Pat! Now I wish I understood the whole situation.
:-) Now, Pat.......calm down....it's not good for your blood pressure
dear. We need you whole and healthy!!!!!
KJ


"Patti" wrote in message
...
Cheryl - that is downright cruel and wicked and ... ... very impolite.
Ugh!
There are black clouds all over England.
But, what you Aussies forget is that you are trying to regain the Ashes
that *we* won last year. Ha!

If you want me to revert to school playground retaliation, I will.
Otherwise, please cease and desist; and let us mourn in peace.

As for 'letting' a Scot join in - you should be ashamed. Remember who
your ancestors were.
Huh! gg
.
In message , CATS
writes
These appeared on the internet within an hour of the match
ending. Don't follow the game myself, but some of these are
actually a little funny.

snipped - jingoistic insults
--
Best Regards
pat on the hill



  #5  
Old December 6th 06, 04:31 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
KJ
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3,129
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Replying to my own post.....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ashes

Now I do understand better. I'm sorry for your loss Pat! And conversely
happy for our Aussie friends.
KJ


"KJ" wrote in message
news:1lBdh.261286$FQ1.99149@attbi_s71...
Oh my! Do I sense a bit of..........bitterness??? g Wow, Cheryl, you
got quite a rise out of Pat! Now I wish I understood the whole situation.
:-) Now, Pat.......calm down....it's not good for your blood pressure
dear. We need you whole and healthy!!!!!
KJ


"Patti" wrote in message
...
Cheryl - that is downright cruel and wicked and ... ... very impolite.
Ugh!
There are black clouds all over England.
But, what you Aussies forget is that you are trying to regain the Ashes
that *we* won last year. Ha!

If you want me to revert to school playground retaliation, I will.
Otherwise, please cease and desist; and let us mourn in peace.

As for 'letting' a Scot join in - you should be ashamed. Remember who
your ancestors were.
Huh! gg
.
In message , CATS
writes
These appeared on the internet within an hour of the match
ending. Don't follow the game myself, but some of these are
actually a little funny.

snipped - jingoistic insults
--
Best Regards
pat on the hill





  #6  
Old December 6th 06, 04:56 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Patti
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 5,076
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

S'OK, KJ, we understand each other (I hope g). Cricket is 'sacred
ground'; and even more than the rivalry between England and Scotland in
football, is the deadly rivalry between Australia and England in
Cricket!
Thing is, you see, this match was heading for a draw - *we* had made a
great start. Then those ***** Aussies bowled us out for a measly score
in our second innings, and won.
The score is now 2-0 in their favour (ugh!) of a series of five matches.
(And, KJ, my BP went up when I heard the almost unbelievable result!)
..
In message 1lBdh.261286$FQ1.99149@attbi_s71, KJ
writes
Oh my! Do I sense a bit of..........bitterness??? g Wow, Cheryl, you
got quite a rise out of Pat! Now I wish I understood the whole situation.
:-) Now, Pat.......calm down....it's not good for your blood pressure
dear. We need you whole and healthy!!!!!
KJ

--
Best Regards
pat on the hill
  #7  
Old December 6th 06, 04:57 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Patti
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 5,076
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Not a loss yet, KJ gg
Three more matches to go!
..
In message nnBdh.261289$FQ1.56035@attbi_s71, KJ
writes
Replying to my own post.....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ashes

Now I do understand better. I'm sorry for your loss Pat! And conversely
happy for our Aussie friends.
KJ

--
Best Regards
pat on the hill
  #8  
Old December 6th 06, 07:11 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
KJ
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3,129
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Ok, so hang in there! I've taken this in the spirit you've sent. I can
read between the lines....funny frustration!
KJ

"Patti" wrote in message
...
Not a loss yet, KJ gg
Three more matches to go!
.
In message nnBdh.261289$FQ1.56035@attbi_s71, KJ
writes
Replying to my own post.....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ashes

Now I do understand better. I'm sorry for your loss Pat! And conversely
happy for our Aussie friends.
KJ

--
Best Regards
pat on the hill



  #9  
Old December 6th 06, 07:38 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Estelle Gallagher
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,138
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

Here here! lol
--
Estelle UK
http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/gal.../ph//my_photos

"Patti" wrote in message
...
Cheryl - that is downright cruel and wicked and ... ... very impolite.
Ugh!
There are black clouds all over England.
But, what you Aussies forget is that you are trying to regain the Ashes
that *we* won last year. Ha!

If you want me to revert to school playground retaliation, I will.
Otherwise, please cease and desist; and let us mourn in peace.

As for 'letting' a Scot join in - you should be ashamed. Remember who
your ancestors were.
Huh! gg
.
In message , CATS
writes
These appeared on the internet within an hour of the match
ending. Don't follow the game myself, but some of these are
actually a little funny.

snipped - jingoistic insults
--
Best Regards
pat on the hill



  #10  
Old December 6th 06, 08:15 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Sally Swindells
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,491
Default OT For the Brits - re the Ashes

CATS wrote:
These appeared on the internet within an hour of the match
ending. Don't follow the game myself, but some of these are
actually a little funny.


Another Sad Horrific English Series (ASHES) jokes

Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?

A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason



Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.



Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the
next ball almost

always takes a wicket?

A. A bat.



Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?

A. An allrounder.



Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and
Geraint Jones

have over the rest of their team-mates?

A. At least they can say they're not really English.



Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?

A. Three runs in three balls.



Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his
name?

A. A bowler.



Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by
English batsmen?

A. The walk back to the pavilion.



Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?

A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.



Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?

A. Because he was born in England.



Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?

A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.



Q. What's the English version of LBW?

A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.



Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the
English team?

A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.



Only those who follow the game of cricket (or live in a
Nation ruled by the outcome of this ritualised battle
between Aus and Eng) would understand. Personally I never
understood the attraction of standing in the middle of a
wide open space in 100degree heat for days, any more than I
understand the appeal of sitting and watching people doing
this.

I think the series now stands at two/nil in favour of Aus,
with three matches to go - but I'm not interested enough
to check. lol


Ok ... rub it in!
--
Sally at the Seaside ~~~~~~~~~~ (uk)
http://community.webshots.com/user/sallyswin
 




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