Waaay OT - engineer humor

Comprehending Engineers - take one.


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take
what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
wouldn't have fit anyway."

Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't
catch anyway.

(This is a reality! If you don't believe, test them!)




Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk about but calculations and
calculations...





Comprehending Engineers -Take Three

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude".

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him. Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's so sad
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.





Comprehending Engineers -Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to complement
one another.





Comprehending Engineers -Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!





Comprehending Engineers -Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.





Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both.".

"Both?"

"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done."

Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!





Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that's cool!"

Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!

--
Joan

See my first-ever design he
http://www.HeritageShoppe.com/heritage/temp/joan1.jpg

"Stitch when you are young and poor, frame when you are old and rich."
- Elizabeth's (rctn'r) sister's MIL (Barbara Marr)

Thanks for a good laugh Joan. I was married for 43 years to an
electro-mechanical engineer (my late husband) and I must admit these jokes
(Are they jokes or truths ??) would fit him to a tee.
Lucille


"Joan Erickson" wrote in message
...

Comprehending Engineers - take one.


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take
what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
wouldn't have fit anyway."

Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't
catch anyway.

(This is a reality! If you don't believe, test them!)




Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk about but calculations and
calculations...





Comprehending Engineers -Take Three

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude".

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him. Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's so sad
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"

Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.





Comprehending Engineers -Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to complement
one another.





Comprehending Engineers -Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!





Comprehending Engineers -Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.





Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both.".

"Both?"

"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done."

Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!





Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that's cool!"

Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!

--
Joan

See my first-ever design he
http://www.HeritageShoppe.com/heritage/temp/joan1.jpg

"Stitch when you are young and poor, frame when you are old and rich."
- Elizabeth's (rctn'r) sister's MIL (Barbara Marr)