TIDBITS 06/12/05

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Panic

Okay. To start off let me tell you right now that this Tidbits
has absolutely nothing to do with Panic. Waaall ... except for
one teensy weensy little thang. And so the question is ... how did
the word Panic come about?

There was once in Greece a god older than most who had an
enormous sexual appetite coupled with great stamina (this ... before
Viagra and Cialis were invented folks) and who was said to
have coupled with all the Dionysian Maenads. Now I don't know
how many of you have ever tried coupling with one ... maybe
two Dionysian Maenads ... but I'm here to tell you this ain't no
easy task. I've heard tell ... though I've never read it in a book ...
that they're a lusty bunch.

Now when his enemies began lurking in the woodlands our god
would let out a magic shriek so terrible as to instantly disperse
those enemies. The god's name was--of course--Pan ... and the
effects of his magical yell caused Panic. Now how's that for etymology
mes amis?

And so I segue with incredible finesse to a marble statue of our god
as he stands ... hunched over with enormous majesticalness (it's in
the OED ladies and gennulmen) exuding a power that can only be exuded
by the greatest of all studs ... the fornicator of fornicators ...
Pan. By comparison ... Don Juan was a mere speck afloat in a infinite
universe.

Ah ... but what a statue. Our goat-man god is a shaggy-haired, bearded
chap with legs and horns and the tail of a goat. He's grinning at us
over his shoulder ... surely looking around for a fair maiden to
conquer with his charms. His exaggerated facial expression is typical
of the high-baroque style developed during the second century B.C.

For those great numbers of you who are constantly wondering why they
have never seen a goat for any twenty four consecutive hours ... this
is--as most of you surely know--due to the fact that goats must visit
the Devil on a daily basis in order to get their beards combed. This
is quiz-show information folks ... one never knows when this type of
knowledge might come in handy. It is to be stored in the
clutter-closet of your brains to be retrieved when needed. Yes yes
dear friends. This is all true ... else I would not say it.

As to the purists amongst you who are trying to figure out how this
relates even remotely to jewelry ... let me explain. Pan is made of
marble and marble is a precious stone ... and precious stones are used
in ... and yada yada yada.

In any case ... for those of you who are lovers of beauty in an
off-beat fashion ... you must look at this Pan. Some limbs are missing
.... probably caused by the wear and tear of his meanderings through
the centuries ... but no matter. The parts of importance are all still
there. I am talking of his brains ... of course.

For those of you who are new to this thing called
Tidbits...may I direct you to my home page at www.tyler-adam.com where
you will scroll down the left side menu till you get to the area that
says Tidbits Graphics ... and then click on the link that says: Pan
in order to view this great statue of a god.

And there ya have it.
That's it for this week folks.
Catch you all next week.
Benjamin Mark

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