More groaners

1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of
war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,
he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said,
"I'll give you 1000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for
it" the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the King!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference
who you are."

(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss bowling league records were
unfortunately destroyed in a fire so we will never know for whom the
Tells bowled.

(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I
think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now settle down,
you'll just have to be a little patient."

(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out
and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the
road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately,
he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across staid lions
for immortal porpoises.

(5) Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
to produce other products and since they already made the cases for
watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were
so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California . This of course is the origin of the expression, "He who
has a Tates is lost!"

(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as
saying, "We have nothing to go on."

(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite
off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month
the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining
to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying "I must
have taken Leif off my census"

(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one
slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All
three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one
who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove
that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws
of the other two hides.

(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo
looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like
these, who needs enemas."

There was once a man named Benny who let his beard grow and grow and
grow, because a very old witch had told him that if he never shaved
that he would never die. If he shaved, however, she warned that he
would die and be cremated. As it happened, Benny then met a young
lady who was everything he ever desired, and she loved him, too --
except for all those whiskers! So, Benny decided that since he was
healthy and since the old witch was surely mistaken or dead by then,
he could shave off his beard. And Benny shaved off his beard,
whereupon he immediately died and was cremated just as the old witch
had warned, which only goes to show that a Benny shaved is a Benny
urned.

"Mary" wrote in message
...
There was once a man named Benny who let his beard grow and grow and
grow, because a very old witch had told him that if he never shaved
that he would never die. If he shaved, however, she warned that he
would die and be cremated. As it happened, Benny then met a young
lady who was everything he ever desired, and she loved him, too --
except for all those whiskers! So, Benny decided that since he was
healthy and since the old witch was surely mistaken or dead by then,
he could shave off his beard. And Benny shaved off his beard,
whereupon he immediately died and was cremated just as the old witch
had warned, which only goes to show that a Benny shaved is a Benny
urned.

If both of you live in ND I`ll have to fly over and bang your heads
together!!!

Pat