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#21
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My mother just wanted me to be happy. (be able to be happy). When I was
finally able to tell her that I was so very happy with my life *sometime in my thirtys* she cried. She was so happy for me, and afraid I would never achieve this seemingly simple goal. Diana -- http://photos.yahoo.com/lunamom44 "Barbara Otterson" My mother always wanted me to be a Dr. or a lawyer. Barbara Dream Master www.dreamweaverstudio.com |
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#22
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I won't repeat what has already been said, but my sister and I are
always asking about how it is that so man people are abused growing up and isn't it more than we know. While it was happening to me, for some reason, I took a different turn. I knew, though it was in an era long ago, when this treatment of me, was not as well known and all like we have now, that this was wrong. i knew it wasn;t my fault and I could not wait for my 18th birthday, so I could go. My Grandmother was the perpetrator, for the most part. I often remark that I raised mysef and to some extent that is true. I reconnected with my mother 10 years ago after not being around her for mny years. She has had to learn s0me rules about behavior and sometimes she fails. But we just move on .... the percentage of abused kids is surely higher than we know ! Rainbow |
#23
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Rainbow,
It sounds like you learned to deal with this stuff better then almost anyone I have ever met with these types of problems. That is really admirable. Although I do not believe I came from an abusive background at all, I am having difficulties with my parents and some of what you say carries over there as well I think. I tend to just feel really guilty about even thinking I *HAVE* problems when I hear a story like your's, but there is a lot to learn for everyone from hearing about another person's experience. Thanks for sharing. marisa2 |
#24
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I think we're finally waking up to the fact that this kind of coercive
control does -not- create healthy people. Just resentful, intimidated and sometimes emotionally dissociated ones. And the beat(ing) goes on... Deirdre On Wed, 30 Jul 2003 17:45:09 GMT, (Barbara Otterson) wrote: When my grandfather was a child, being whipped with a switch was perfectly acceptable as a practice for keeping children in line. His father liked to use it until the blood ran down his legs........ |
#25
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Not so many years ago, the penal system tried out a new course of corrective
actions for juvelines. They used a "bootcamp" model. In the short run, the boys were more disciplined and obedient. In the long run, they learned that being big and mean works. Tina "Lee S. Billings" wrote in message ... In article , says... I think we're finally waking up to the fact that this kind of coercive control does -not- create healthy people. Just resentful, intimidated and sometimes emotionally dissociated ones. *Some* people are fully awake to that fact. Others continue to bemoan the removal of (official) beatings from public schools. My personal opinion is that there is a place for the quick disciplinary swat *when you're dealing with a child who doesn't yet have language skills*. By the time the kid is in school -- *certainly* by the end of elementary school! -- I can't see how hitting the kid is going to teach anything but "If I'm bigger / stronger / higher-ranking than you, I can beat you up and you can't do anything about it." It won't stop the behavior because it doesn't address the cause, and it demonstrates that physical bullying of the weak is okay. Celine -- Handmade jewelry at http://www.rubylane.com/shops/starcat "Only the powers of evil claim that doing good is boring." -- Diane Duane, _Nightfall at Algemron_ |
#26
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#27
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Yep.
Its fast, its easy (on the adult) and says the desired behavour is more important than the person. Its a lazy answer if you ask me. I dont like intimidation techniques of any form. Its bullying if done with fists or not. Fear is not a healthy way of keeping kids in control...*unless that is a healthy response to a real danger* half asleep.. not sure what Im trying to say.. but I know what kind of parenting I would rather do. Discipline, not punishment. Teach, guide, not browbeat into submission. Diana -- http://photos.yahoo.com/lunamom44 "Deirdre S." wrote in message ... Unfortunately, I think that this is exactly what the intended 'lesson' actually IS.. Deirdre On 31 Jul 2003 02:24:37 GMT, (Lee S. Billings) wrote: I can't see how hitting the kid is going to teach anything but "If I'm bigger / stronger / higher-ranking than you, I can beat you up and you can't do anything about it." It won't stop the behavior because it doesn't address the cause, and it demonstrates that physical bullying of the weak is okay. |
#28
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Sorry ... I think I sent html to the list again ... damn these half
blind eyes ! Sight is bad today. I have learning difficulties. And ADD. Beading or anything else never comes easy, and i am slower than most folks at most things. This one thing so irked all the adults in my childhod and some of my friends, that it caused continual punishment verbally. But as I have said, I dealt with ths. I watch Dr. Phil alot. he seems to have it right, for the most part, that brow beating and intmidation donn't work. He is right. He also avocates loving one's self. I also believe that some people do not need to have kids. Look, I work with kids on a part time basis, but in a special way because I entertain them with clowning and magic. Not once in 23 years have I ever seen any evidence of any parent ever verbally bullying or harming a kid in front of me. And I think that is more than telling .... I've seen some behaviors I disagreed with, like the man who told his kid if he didn't behave, I would slap him ... and I know I am not just extraordinarily lucky and never ran into any. They're out there. I've always wondered if some of the parents i've met are the ones ... I have met so many nurturing parents ! I think they are good actors in front of me, the bad ones. I think and I know that it is more than a few and more than we know. We were at a casino yesterday for lunch and saw an extraordinary performance by a dad berating loudly everyone in a party of about 6 kids and a couple of adults. It was embarassing ! I can only imagine how this escalates at home. Being able to get past child abuse issues was simple enough for me because I knew it was wrong. Like I said, don't ask me how I just accepted that ... Because tis is 2003 and we know so much more about all these mental games people play, you'd think many more people would understand what it is and as soon as possible, get out of their situations. For me, I began to make jewelry. really early in life, like in 1966. It gave me something to focus on, something to be proud of and a quiet place to go when the world got too rough. And it does today. I have had to learn how to learn, for myself and learn how to sit and carry out projects to completion, ( yes I have UFO's I get tired of and set down ) and to sit quietly and meditate and work. And I do not allow anyone in my life who isn't as nurturing as I naturally am. I think and I know that kids should be taught early in life to find themselves, and know that anything other than love and respect is wrong. Rainbow |
#29
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"Deirdre S." wrote in message ... Unfortunately, I think that this is exactly what the intended 'lesson' actually IS.. Yup. It also teaches kids that their natural impulses to things-- healthy reactions such as outrage at being mistreated-- have to be contained and suppressed. There's a huge disconnect between "mommy loves you" and "mommy beats the crap out of you" and little kids can't afford to express anger and outrage at mommy's violence toward them when they are also so dependent on her for love and care. So violence becomes rationalized in the child's mind as an expression of love, and is thus perpetuated. Belief in the myth of "she hit me because she loved me" and remaining unable to see that, in reality, people-- including our own parents-- mistreat others for reasons that have nothing to do with love, will give that child license to beat her own kids when she's a mother, too, unless she learns to understand this and can then circumvent the cycle. Laura Deirdre On 31 Jul 2003 02:24:37 GMT, (Lee S. Billings) wrote: I can't see how hitting the kid is going to teach anything but "If I'm bigger / stronger / higher-ranking than you, I can beat you up and you can't do anything about it." It won't stop the behavior because it doesn't address the cause, and it demonstrates that physical bullying of the weak is okay. |
#30
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"Christina Peterson" wrote in message news:1059626724.434502@prawn... Not so many years ago, the penal system tried out a new course of corrective actions for juvelines. They used a "bootcamp" model. In the short run, the boys were more disciplined and obedient. In the long run, they learned that being big and mean works. Yes, don't you just love it? The justification for that was what, exactly? Let's take a bunch of troubled kids who are acting out because they have probably already been grossly abused and have the sanctioned system abuse them even more! Laura |
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