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#1
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Prejudicial Attitudes and Remarks
Agreed. I frequently wonder what keeps the 'targeted' kids from
forming alliances against bullies. Any theories (or experiences) on that question? I think it's a sense of feeling totally alone, at times. Also, sometimes, a "thank god they're not after me this time" relief. And the fear that, even banded together, the reprisals will still be worse than any effort made. Yes, those things. And the inability to be mean. ~~ Sooz ------- I don't really like sex anymore. I have jewelry now. ~ Heidi Fleiss ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A through Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
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#2
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Honestly, I don't really recall being aware that there were other targeted
kids, though in retrospect I'm sure there must have been. When you're in a war zone and you're lunch, you stay in survival mode and that tends toward isolation. Mentally, it isn't a place from which strategic thinking easily arises. This is really, really true. I did make friends with the other targeted kids -- it was a small private grammar school, and we were the only 3 in the class who were relentlessly targeted. We were a threesome of outcasts and strange-os. Banding together didn't help us at all, just made us easier to find. ~~ Sooz ------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html |
#3
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I didn't suggest that they'd be better off if they tried to 'be mean'
to bullies. That would be pointless, and almost certain to increase their tormentor's will to torture them. I meant the kind of 'alliances' where they stick together, and become a less inviting target by being less isolated, and therefore less easily overcome. Deirdre On 26 Aug 2003 17:34:14 GMT, uppies (Dr. Sooz) wrote: Yes, those things. And the inability to be mean. |
#4
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Absolutely. But the question of what kind of survival skills we can
offer kids today perhaps ought to include advice to pay attention, and seek out the other 'targets', until maybe you form a group that outnumbers the bullies. That might be enough to discourage them from thinking you are all -easy- targets. And you can watch each other's backs. Deirdre On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 14:34:19 -0400, "laura" wrote: When you're in a war zone and you're lunch, you stay in survival mode and that tends toward isolation. Mentally, it isn't a place from which strategic thinking easily arises. |
#5
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Then perhaps other strategies are needed. *How* can we make bullying just *not work* in the bully's favor? Cost him more than he (or she) gains? Deirdre On 26 Aug 2003 18:35:20 GMT, uppies (Dr. Sooz) wrote: Banding together didn't help us at all, just made us easier to find. |
#6
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OK. I hear you.
I'm just searching for things that have the potential to work in the targets' favor. Something to offer options and hope. I understand what you mean about how primitive and defensive our responses are when we are under attack. Quite true. But does that mean that it is impossible to stop bullies? That today's targets have no more hope of escape than we did, decades ago? Do we just shake our heads and say "It's part of childhood, if you are unlucky or unusual enough to qualify as odd-man out, and no one is going to be able to change it, ever"? Deirdre On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 16:18:32 -0400, "laura" wrote: You don't stop to think "this kid's in the same boat as me". You don't really care. You just try to stay the hell out of everyone's way. |
#7
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Unfortunately, the one being picked on is often times the "different" kid
who doesn't really have friends or make them easily and has no one to band together *with*. And a lot of times, kids who might want to stick up for someone don't because of fear of reprisal from the bullies. I don't have any solutions. Wish I did. I have a grandson who fits into the odd man out category, he is very much out of step with other kids - of any age. I only get him a couple weeks a year, as we live in different states, but in that short amount of time just with neighborhood kids I can see how rough it must be for him in school. What do you do? I don't know. -- "Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer." Washington Post Style Invitational "Deirdre S." wrote in message ... I didn't suggest that they'd be better off if they tried to 'be mean' to bullies. That would be pointless, and almost certain to increase their tormentor's will to torture them. I meant the kind of 'alliances' where they stick together, and become a less inviting target by being less isolated, and therefore less easily overcome. Deirdre On 26 Aug 2003 17:34:14 GMT, uppies (Dr. Sooz) wrote: Yes, those things. And the inability to be mean. |
#8
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I am not in favor of control through humiliation, either. Doesn't
work. Backfires. No, I am looking for ways to convince the bullies that their -own lives- will improve if they find other ways of relating to people. Make it obvious that it isn't open season on the unprotected, and that respect is more rewarding in the long run. After all, being respectful is an invitation for others to respect you, too. Deirdre On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 15:13:30 -0700, vj wrote: ]Cost him more than he (or she) ]gains? possibly, yes. making examples of them in a negative way? |
#9
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I'd be interested in the book.
I don't think much changes at a fundamental level until people stop accepting the status quo, and start experimenting with other options. Then sharing what works with each other ... like Kathy N-V's stories about the transformation in the local school between one era and another. That didn't happen via magic. It happened via *people* changing what they did and what they were willing to accept. Deirdre On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 15:18:49 -0700, vj wrote: and i have his e-mail address if anyone has a special need for it. |
#10
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Neither do I. But I don't see telling the targets to suck it up and
take it as a viable response, either ... I do think it takes a 'community' response to successfully make a dent in it, and empowering the kids to act on the problem together, as Kathy's daughter's school has started to do, strikes me as a way to do all kinds of positive things at once. Not just curb bullying, but nourish the opposite of the sense of powerlessness that bullying feeds off of... Deirdre On Tue, 26 Aug 2003 18:21:31 -0400, "CLP" wrote: What do you do? I don't know. |
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