OT - Disorder in the Court

Excerpts from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place between defendants and lawyers. (I found the book if
anyone is interested.)

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
_____________________________________


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

______________________________________


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________



Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________


Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
______________________________________


Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

I just love this stuff. I love a good hard laugh in the morning.

cyndi


Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

This is wonderful...must remember to forward to my father, who is now
semi-retired from law......he does contract work for the Public
Defender's office these days, but really wants to be a writer

Queen of Squishies wrote:
Excerpts from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place between defendants and lawyers. (I found the book if
anyone is interested.)

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
_____________________________________


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

______________________________________


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________



Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________


Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
______________________________________


Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

You made my day! I howled at these.

Thanks,

Lynne in Toronto
.................................

Queen of Squishies wrote:

Excerpts from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place between defendants and lawyers. (I found the book if
anyone is interested.)

Many times I saw the Judge quickly rap his gavel and say, "We'll take a
brief recess". He meant, "I need a few minutes to get my face straight".
My favorite, this morning at least, was this one - in a paternity suit
Q Were you a virgin at the time of conception?
A Oh yes sir. I've been a virgin 3 times.
Polly

ROFL!!!!!! I'd love to hear more of these if you care to share (via email
mebbie???)


Hugs
Karlee in Kansas (mnkbrennan @ charter . net do the obvious to reply)
Queen of Packrats

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in
a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly
used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW--What a Ride!"


"Polly Esther" wrote in message
link.net...
| Many times I saw the Judge quickly rap his gavel and say, "We'll take a
| brief recess". He meant, "I need a few minutes to get my face straight".
| My favorite, this morning at least, was this one - in a paternity
suit
| Q Were you a virgin at the time of conception?
| A Oh yes sir. I've been a virgin 3 times.
| Polly
|
|

And there's this one -
Q And sir, exactly how do you know that the city's sewage pipe burst in
your front yard?
A Well, if you had turds rolling around on your front porch, you could tell
too.
** just one more -
Q Did you and your bride have sex after you performed the wedding
ceremony yourself in the back seat
of your car?
A No
Q Why not?
A We didn't have a rubber.
*** can't resist, one more
Q Officer, when you arrested the defendant, were you walking or on foot?
**
Sorry, all for now. I have company coming. One who does Not quilt. I
just must go wipe down the batting fuzz that's covering this room. She
probably wouldn't believe it is snow from Christmas decorating. Polly




"Lynne Van" wrote in message
...


You made my day! I howled at these.

Thanks,

Lynne in Toronto
................................

Queen of Squishies wrote:

Excerpts from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place between defendants and lawyers. (I found the book
if
anyone is interested.)

lol........love it! I think the last one is my favorite though.

--
Lisa Caryl.............who was foolish enough to want to be an attorney
quite some time ago http://www.picturetrails.com/quiltygurl

remove the obvious to reply
"Queen of Squishies" hicall80 @ earthlink.net wrote in message
link.net...
Excerpts from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place between defendants and lawyers. (I found the book
if
anyone is interested.)

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
_____________________________________


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

______________________________________


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________



Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________


Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go
to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an
autopsy.
______________________________________


Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

In article .net,
"Queen of Squishies" hicall80 @ earthlink.net wrote:

Excerpts from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place between defendants and lawyers. (I found the book if
anyone is interested.)

Where was the spew warning???? You get over here *right now* and clean
off my monitor!
--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
my ISP is earthlink.net -- put s-foster@ in front
http://home.earthlink.net/~s-foster

I'm so sorry, dear! I thought of "spew warning" after I posted it. I
couldn't call it back and change it. You okay, love?

Karen, Queen of Squishies