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OT - Please Help Ladies!! Restroom Etiquette - Your Opinions Needed!!



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 10th 03, 07:05 PM
TwinMom
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Default OT - Please Help Ladies!! Restroom Etiquette - Your Opinions Needed!!

OK, so to make this a bit OT, I was away this weekend at a quilting retreat
(Had a GREAT TIME btw!) and the following item came up between DH & I. We
have a 3yo DD and twin 7yo DS and our DD had to use the public restroom at
McD's. DH took her into the men's room, which I found really gross, not only
because the men's rooms are, generally, filthy, but I don't want her exposed
(no pun intended) to strangers using the facilities. I felt he should be
taking her into the women's rooms, whenever a single use or family restroom
is not available. She is not old enough to go unattended and, after all, I
take the boys, now 7, into the women's with me. A lengthy discussion has
ensued, so I'm seeking the opinions of follow females, as many as possible,
on the following issues:
1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?
2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with dads/daughters,
how did you address it?
3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?
No flames please, I'm just trying to get a cross section of opinions from
various ages, w/ and w/o children, etc.
TIA
Lorraine in Los Alamos


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  #2  
Old November 10th 03, 07:18 PM
Kathy Applebaum
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Default

Here's my take on it. (Just my opinion everyone, so put away the flame
throwers! Sheesh!!)

1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter

into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?


You know, I've never thought about this or seen it happen. Can't really say
what I'd think. I'm sure the problem also comes up when a elderly person (or
a disabled person) has a caregiver of the opposite sex. Hmmm.....

2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with

dads/daughters,
how did you address it?


I can't remember how it was addressed when I was a wee one. I lived with my
Dad for 3 months every year, and I'm sure I had to use a restroom at some
point, but I can't remember ever being accompanied. I know I didn't go into
the men's room, because the very first time I was in a men's room was on my
honeymoon. (Yes, there's a story behind that!) Of course, I can't remember
being accompanied by MSM, either, except at the airport way back when they
had pay toilets. (Bless you, March Fong Eu!)

3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little

boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?


None at all. As long as I have enough privacy to do what I need to do, I'm a
happy camper.

--
Kathy A. (Woodland, CA)
longarm machine quilting, Queen of Fabric Tramps
http://www.kayneyquilting.com ,
remove the obvious to reply


  #3  
Old November 10th 03, 07:22 PM
juliasb(nospam)
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I believe at one time or another most parents come across this very same
problem in public rest rooms. When my girls were very little my now
ex would take them in with him only AFTER he checked to be sure there
was no one in the rest room. If there was he would wait. He also kept
a small note that he could attach on the door if necessary to say
'father taking daughter to the bathroom please wait 5 minutes for us to
complete her task.' He never ran into a problem using his little note.
He had a few men holler into the bathroom to see if it was 'safe' for
them to enter. But seems from what I was told everyone was respectful.
Since I didn't have any sons I can only relate to when I would take
friend's boys with me on an outing. Younger children would come in with
me to the ladies room. When the boys got to be around 8-9, I would wait
outside the door of the men room. If they weren't out in short order I
would yell in to them to see what was going on... if I didn't like the
response or I couldn't hear him I would not hesitate to yell out "MOTHER
COMING IN NOW!" In this day and age when you want to be able to give
our sons and daughters a bit of freedom it is so difficult. Close doors
never stopped me. And if another adult couldn't understand the needs of
the children to bad.
juliasb

TwinMom wrote:
OK, so to make this a bit OT, I was away this weekend at a quilting retreat
(Had a GREAT TIME btw!) and the following item came up between DH & I. We
have a 3yo DD and twin 7yo DS and our DD had to use the public restroom at
McD's. DH took her into the men's room, which I found really gross, not only
because the men's rooms are, generally, filthy, but I don't want her exposed
(no pun intended) to strangers using the facilities. I felt he should be
taking her into the women's rooms, whenever a single use or family restroom
is not available. She is not old enough to go unattended and, after all, I
take the boys, now 7, into the women's with me. A lengthy discussion has
ensued, so I'm seeking the opinions of follow females, as many as possible,
on the following issues:
1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?
2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with dads/daughters,
how did you address it?
3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?
No flames please, I'm just trying to get a cross section of opinions from
various ages, w/ and w/o children, etc.
TIA
Lorraine in Los Alamos



--

Conductor of the Squish-mobile

....come and journey with me...
from darkness into New Life

http://globnet.com/~flair/

  #4  
Old November 10th 03, 07:55 PM
georg
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TwinMom wrote:

1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter into
the women's restroom to use the facilities?


Dad is there with her, therefore she should be fine with him in the mens
room. As soon as she doesn't need assistance, she should go alone. While
I may be willing to take a strange little girl in to the loo and help
her with her drawers, I can see where neither parent may be comfortable
with a strange woman caring for the daughter, and that isn't usually a
good idea. But I don't want a man in the women's bathroom, with or
without small child in tow.

2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with dads/daughters,
how did you address it?


I have taken my neice into the loo with me. I've watched over a strange
child before for a man who didn't feel right taking his daughter into
the men's room. But I have no kids of my own.

3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?


If the little boy is able to do up his own drawers, he has no business
in the womens room. A 9-year-old doesn't belong in the ladies room,
unless obviously mentally handicapped. He can go the mens room with mom
waiting outside. Make sure he knows he has a time limit, or you are
coming in after him. This is what I did with my nephews. If the boy is
obviously young enough to need help with his drawers, I don't mind him
in the ladies room. But even then, my nephew wanted to go on his own. He
just came out on his own holding his pants up, and I did the fastening then.

-georg

  #5  
Old November 10th 03, 08:11 PM
Julia Altshuler
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I'm not worried that you'll be flamed. I'm thinking I will be. (But
that's O.K. because I can take it.) Here goes:

Small children under the age of about 5 or 6 who need help using a
public restroom should go to the one appropriate to the adult who is
doing the accompanying. When I was small, I went to the men's room with
my father. I also went into the men's sauna with him. I'm sure I saw
naked adult men, but all I remember is the steam and the heat. There is
nothing frightening about normal naked adult people. There's nothing
particularly sexy about it either when you're 4. Any adult man who gets
emabarrassed being undressed in front of a child that small probably is
embarrassed getting undressed in front of his dog too.

No, I was not sexually abused and groomed to think it was normal. (See
Annie's Mailbox in today's newspaper.) I have the most loving,
protective father on the planet. I'm grateful to him for not raising me
to view men as evil creatures who want to hurt me every time I turn
around. I'm sure my healthy relationships with men as an adult (as
friends, bosses, employees and sexual partners) have a lot to do with
good learning not to fear men as a child.

I don't love the idea of a man in the ladies' room, but if he feels it
necessary to come in, I don't mind too much. There are stalls. He
probably isn't too turned on seeing my feet under the door and listening
to the sound of peeing, but if he is, I feel sorry for him, not
embarrassed. I'd rather he take his little girl to the men's room, but
the issue isn't important enough to make a big deal out of.

I don't take offense at having boys around the age of 10 in the ladies'
room any more than I do having grown men, but I do feel sorry for the
boys. How old do they have to be before they're allowed to the use the
men's room by themselves? 12? 15? 18? Presumably they can use the
restroom in school by themselves. Is Mom still helping them bathe at
that age? Then why does she need to help him pee? He can't zip up his
trousers by himself? Will she need to help him shave, too?

Where did you get the idea that men's rooms are generally filthy, or
more filthy than ladies' rooms? That's a function of the staff that
cleans them, not the sex of the users. Public restrooms for women are
often filthy because there are women who feel it necessary to stand over
the toilet thus peeing on the seat. Public restrooms for women can also
be filthy because there's no place to throw away sanitary supplies. Men
don't have those problems. I'm not saying that there's no such thing as
a filthy men's room, but it doesn't have to be the case, and it isn't
likely to be worse than the ladies'.

--Lia



TwinMom wrote:
OK, so to make this a bit OT, I was away this weekend at a quilting retreat
(Had a GREAT TIME btw!) and the following item came up between DH & me. We
have a 3yo DD and twin 7yo DS and our DD had to use the public restroom at
McD's. DH took her into the men's room which I found really gross not only
because the men's rooms are, generally, filthy, but I don't want her exposed
(no pun intended) to strangers using the facilities. I felt he should be
taking her into the women's rooms, whenever a single use or family restroom
is not available. She is not old enough to go unattended and, after all, I
take the boys, now 7, into the women's with me. A lengthy discussion has
ensued, so I'm seeking the opinions of follow females, as many as possible,
on the following issues:
1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?
2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with dads/daughters,
how did you address it?
3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?
No flames please, I'm just trying to get a cross section of opinions from
various ages, w/ and w/o children, etc.
TIA
Lorraine in Los Alamos



  #6  
Old November 10th 03, 08:12 PM
Sherry Starr
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Default

My DD and her hubby have a 6 yo son, and 4 yo daughter. My grandson has
been going to the men's room by himself since he was 4. If her DH was not
with her, she would walk with him to the men's restroom, and wait for him.
She takes her DD with her if the situation arises. If her DH has both
children alone, he takes her to the ladies room, and waits outside the
entrance for her. She is a teacher, and she feels that her son is
definitely old enough to go by himself. I know you couldn't get him to go
in the ladies restroom with her. He has been very vocal about that for a
few years now. She doesn't let them walk to the restroom by themselves, but
she is fairly comfortable with them being in there by themselves.
Sherry Starr
"TwinMom" wrote in message
...
OK, so to make this a bit OT, I was away this weekend at a quilting

retreat
(Had a GREAT TIME btw!) and the following item came up between DH & I. We
have a 3yo DD and twin 7yo DS and our DD had to use the public restroom at
McD's. DH took her into the men's room, which I found really gross, not

only
because the men's rooms are, generally, filthy, but I don't want her

exposed
(no pun intended) to strangers using the facilities. I felt he should be
taking her into the women's rooms, whenever a single use or family

restroom
is not available. She is not old enough to go unattended and, after all, I
take the boys, now 7, into the women's with me. A lengthy discussion has
ensued, so I'm seeking the opinions of follow females, as many as

possible,
on the following issues:
1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter

into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?
2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with

dads/daughters,
how did you address it?
3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little

boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?
No flames please, I'm just trying to get a cross section of opinions from
various ages, w/ and w/o children, etc.
TIA
Lorraine in Los Alamos




  #7  
Old November 10th 03, 08:36 PM
Charlotte
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default



TwinMom wrote:


1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?


I would feel uncomfortable. When I was young my father took me to the
mens room. There are stalls there too. I don't remember much except
*really having to go*!

2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with dads/daughters,
how did you address it?
3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?


I would look askance at a boy of 10 in the ladies' room with me. I think
above about 6 is unnecessary. In the mid-eighties (not so very long ago)
I was taking the public bus downtown at 8 years old to get to my ballet
class by myself. I learned how to deal with strangers. I should think an
8 year old could manage a 2 minute restroom break with mom standing
outside the door. Going back to the thread on being afraid, dealing with
unfamiliar situations is a life skill a parent should teach his/her child.

-Charlotte

  #8  
Old November 10th 03, 09:01 PM
Sandy Foster
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Posts: n/a
Default

In article ,
"TwinMom" wrote:

OK, so to make this a bit OT, I was away this weekend at a quilting retreat
(Had a GREAT TIME btw!) and the following item came up between DH & I. We
have a 3yo DD and twin 7yo DS and our DD had to use the public restroom at
McD's. DH took her into the men's room, which I found really gross, not only
because the men's rooms are, generally, filthy, but I don't want her exposed
(no pun intended) to strangers using the facilities. I felt he should be
taking her into the women's rooms, whenever a single use or family restroom
is not available. She is not old enough to go unattended and, after all, I
take the boys, now 7, into the women's with me. A lengthy discussion has
ensued, so I'm seeking the opinions of follow females, as many as possible,
on the following issues:
1) How do you feel about a father accompanying his very young daughter into
the women's restroom to use the facilities? Would you feel threatened or
offended, or would you understand the situation?
2) If you, or your family has experienced this problem with dads/daughters,
how did you address it?
3) Not important, but I am starting to get "looks" at having my little boys
in the facilities with me. Do any of you take offense at boy children, say
under 10, in the woman's restroom with their mothers?
No flames please, I'm just trying to get a cross section of opinions from
various ages, w/ and w/o children, etc.
TIA
Lorraine in Los Alamos



This will be my opinion only, so flaming shouldn't come into it. We're
all entitled to our opinions.

I think that 7-year-old children are capable of going to the bathroom
alone, with a parent waiting outside the door if that parent is the
"wrong" gender. I do *not* like the idea of a man coming into the
ladies' room, simply because you don't know whether someone is in there
repairing a broken bra strap or something. It would be the same for a
woman going into the men's room. If the child is too young to go to the
bathroom by himself/herself, the parent should take that child to the
restroom of the parent's gender. A man can always cover a little girl's
eyes, if necessary, though I suspect a quick shout of "Father bringing
in little girl" would suffice to have most men become careful. This is
how we handled things with our two DDs when they were little; but they
went to the ladies' room from about the age of 6, no matter which of us
they were with. DH simply waited outside for them.

JMHO.
--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
my ISP is earthlink.net
http://home.earthlink.net/~s-foster
  #9  
Old November 10th 03, 09:08 PM
Charlie
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Posts: n/a
Default

Having worked in a leisure centre, and having to clean both mens and women's
toilets and changing rooms I must say that the men can't appear to keep it
clean. They miss the urinals for a start (even though it was basically a
square metre of stainless steel) and lets tissues and surprisingly clothes
thrown about everywhere. In contrast, the women's were a pleasure to clean.

I personally don't think it's right for men to go in a women's loo, and by
10 I'm sure the little boy can go to the toilet himself! If you're outside
the door he can't go far! I always went in the men's toilet with my dad
when I was little, but he'd always check they were quiet. Over the age of
about 5 (apparently) I'd go on my own if they were busy.

Charlie.

"Julia Altshuler" wrote in message
news:epRrb.163197$Tr4.435332@attbi_s03...
enough to make a big deal out of.
Where did you get the idea that men's rooms are generally filthy, or

more filthy than ladies' rooms? That's a function of the staff that
cleans them, not the sex of the users. Public restrooms for women are
often filthy because there are women who feel it necessary to stand over
the toilet thus peeing on the seat. Public restrooms for women can also
be filthy because there's no place to throw away sanitary supplies. Men
don't have those problems. I'm not saying that there's no such thing as
a filthy men's room, but it doesn't have to be the case, and it isn't
likely to be worse than the ladies'.



  #10  
Old November 10th 03, 10:08 PM
Jan Dunaway
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My only complaint with moms taking sons into the ladies room is when the
little bugers are peeking under/over stalls etc. No way in any
circumstances would I send one in on thier own in this day in age.
However, I would think twice about seeing your hubby in there.
Although, it is food for thought since I have a young daughter and will
have to face this question. The only other thing I have ever been
uncomfortable with is when camping and women have brought thier sons
that were 7 + in age into the shower area.... that was not in good
taste, although... again... I wouldn't have sent them into the men's on
thier own either... so I guess the question is at what point to public
restrooms become more family friendly??

Jan

 




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