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Old August 28th 06, 05:21 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Kate Dicey
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Posts: 647
Default OT proposed discussion: How did you learn to be a "woman" ratherthan a "girl"?

Tricia wrote:

No offense to our male readers/quilters, but this topic is weighing on
my mind right now and needs discussing AFAIC....Also, right away, let
me say, I know there is much more to being a woman than make up and
hair styles and such. Those other (and yes, much more important)
things AREN'T the things I want to discuss in this thread. I had
*great* role models for being a strong, self-sufficient (and
self-sacrificing) woman. Please don't flame me for trivalizing what it
means to be a woman. If you find this topic offensive, I'm sorry, I
don't mean to offend anyone or incite a riot.


I won't take offence. I think I know what you are stumbling towards,
though it was never an issue for me in Those Days. I had an unusually
stable family background coupled with an unusually peripatetic
lifestyle, which lead to early but uneven maturity and a lasting ability
to refuse to grow up completely! I've now given up growing up - that's
a kid's game!

I think most of us would probably say that the teen years is the WHEN
in regards to learning to be a "woman" rather than a "girl". During my
teen years my life was pretty screwed up (mom and stepass getting
divorced, long lost father back in my life, acquiring a stepmother,
living with an abusive alcoholic, etc. PLUS all the usual teen angst
issues). Somewhat as a result (I think) something "short circuited" in
my development in *how* to be a woman rather than a girl, or rather in
some other regards, being an adult vs a child. I didn't have role
models for what I'm facing now in any regard.

Specific to the Woman v Girl thing, I know virtually nothing about make
up, let alone how to properly apply it so I don't look like clown or
tramp. Forget trying to style my hair (although I have a little more
knowledge on that) in anything other than a basic flyaway ponytail --
it's basically not happening (these days it's more like getting me to
do anything other than use a headband 'cause it only makes a stubby
tail). Occassionally I get a perm. I can't manage to use curlers to
save my soul, not even the nice heated ones DH got me a few years ago
at my request. Basically when it comes to being "pretty", "feminine",
and "done up", I friggin' suck.


The make-up stuff is just practice and experimentation, like quilting.
VERY like quilting! You find colours and styles that you like and
experiment until you modify them to suit you, and then you keep doing
them until you get good at it. Then you can slowly modify them again as
you mature/change/whatever...

Part of it is having been raised with the mantra that God blessed me
and I didn't need make up and stuff to mask it all. For the most part,
I believe the philosophy (in the sense that we are the way we are
supposed to be, etc.) and while I tended to leave God out of it,
frequently shared that philosophy with my students (middle schoolers)
when the question inevitably came up why I was one of maybe two or
three female teachers in our building who didn't wear make-up. That
was fine in that enviroment -- I might have gotten more respect from
some of the adults I dealt with if I had been "done up" but I got
through it okay.


I don't, and never have (even as a student teacher!) worn make-up in
school, not since I was a kid and a pupil with faaaaaar too much time on
my hands at boarding school!! No-one ever commented, not wearing it
never lost me a job, and it didn't lose me the respect of colleagues.
But then I always knew who and what I was, what I was doing, and had the
confidence to carry it off. I think it has a lot to do with your sense
of self worth and your self image rather than the war paint as such.

I suspect something that is hindering my ability to get hired lately is
the fact that I don't "do" make up and such -- with my baby face (and
unfortunately being noticably overweight), I tend to look younger than
my age, which at times translates for some (I suspect) as flighty or
incompetent. -- or like I just "don't care" (current hormone issues
resulting in pimples doesn't help dispel that myth either).


The weight and the spots may have more to do with it than the lack of
make-up, but again, I suspect your projection of yourself rather than
how you look: if *you* see these as disadvantages, they will be. I
didn't find my excess weight to be a problem in getting a job, but it
might be if it affects your mobility and you get breathless stomping up
stairs. Personally, even if hormonally induced, I wouldn't be
slastering my face with make-up if the spots were on the rampage. I'd
be avoiding it more than ever, and pestering the quack for a solution.

Besides the employment issue, I have been pondering trying to find out
how to "do" make up properly for a while now -- simply so I *can* do it
when the mood/situation strikes -- like going out for a nice evening
with my husband or to a wedding, etc.


These are about the only times I bother with make-up these days - and
I'm pushing 50! Clear skin and a good moisturiser are far better for
you than an inch of slap! Mind you, I have dark eyes, lashes and
brows, and colour in my cheeks. If you are fair to mousey with lightly
marked brows and not a lot of colour in you, you may find a little
subtle help goes a long way.

Hence, realizing I have virtually no knowledge in an area many women
seem to have plenty, I thought I'd ask where that knowledge came
from...where did you learn it?


Originally my knowledge and expertise came from experimentation at the
age of 13-14... My mum was a lot of help, as she knew I had reactionary
skin (flared up at the slightest provokation, in itchy blotches and
lumps!), and she steered me clear of the cheap and nasty end of the market.

These days when I do access the war paint, I tend to use a light tinted
moisturiser (I like the Nivea Visage ones), good quality eye make-up
(Clinique, Dior, Guerlaine, and Lancome), and Maybeline or Miners
mascara. For some reason all the 'really good' makes of make-up do
really crap mascara!

Just buy a little, some good cleanser that suits your skin, and some
decent brushes (make up artists use sable paint brushes, not 'make-up'
brushes!) and have fun!
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
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