Kathy wrote

gentle snip

| Note to grandma to be: How many of your deliveries had an audience? Hmmmm?
| If she wants to see the miracle of birth, I understand that there is a
| videotape with that exact title at the library. Watch the video until this
| desire to both people as they give birth goes away.

Actually, i'm an only child, and adopted. My mother was unable to have kids. I think herin lies her desire to be there
for the birth.

|
| Perhaps, I'll get to me a grandmother. I expect to get a phone call saying
| it's all over, so I can go and smother the grandbaby with kisses. Before
| that, I want to be at the house, preparing quick to heat meals, cleaning to a
| fare thee well, and doing everything I could to make the new family come home
| to as little work as possible.

She has been griping for MONTHS about coming up to help clean and decorate. I keep refusing because I know that every
10 minutes all I will hear about is what a horrible housekeeper I am and how terrible my decorating sense is. We have
been in our new house for right close to 5 months, and she STILL hasn't been in here (because we won't let her mind
you).


|
| If there is already an older sibling, as in your case, I'd want to spend my
| last one-on-one time alone with the big kid, and make a big honking deal how
| she is so special and loved for being first, and for being big enough to do
| cool things, unlike the new baby.

That is about half of my reasoning for wanting to be left alone during the labor, delivery, and post delivery. Kidlet
the first needs to get to hold the baby too. I get dibs on being "first" though.

|
| Normal deliveries do not have crowds of people rambling through, and
| certainly not "pointing and giggling." If you don't want interns, students
| and other non-essential folk around, that's your decision, and your right.
| The hospital cannot force you to have a gang of people around.

This hospital is a little different (or at least was when kidlet the first was born). While in labor, my parents came,
most of the spouses chain of command came up (including his XO and wife, his platoon sgt (in his domino's pizza
uniform), his battalion commander, and 1st sgt and wife), 3 different ministers, a bunch of people from my home church
(they road tripped it cause its an hour drive from the home church to where the hospital is), and an aunt that I can't
stand. I never had less than 3 people in the room with me.....and of course, spouse at the time was no where to be
found (he was with his girlfried....LONG story mind you, and NO I wasn't happy about it, we wound up getting a divorce
over his infidelity a few months later). I got yelled at by my mom because I was in hella pain and making it known that
I was rather uncomfortable with each contraction (this is before the relief of my epidural). Mom said "Quit yelling
about it. It doesn't hurt THAT bad"


|
| Aside: I habitually allow even first year med students to examine my lungs,
| and some third year surgical residents were on rounds when I had my neck
| surgery. No biggie. When I had "private" surgery, I didn't want/have anyone
| there but the support staff and my husband.

I just don't want some nursing student that has never had kidlets to be giggling at my pain AND my privates like the
first time around. I was insulted, hurt, still in pain, and threw a bed pan at one of them. No, I didn't miss. I get
cranky when I'm hooked up to a gazillion machines and have bags of stuff pumping into me while I'm in pain. VERY
cranky.

| Here, I'll disagree. Hospitals have amazingly short periods of time when
| visitors are allowed. They have rules to limit the number of visitors, and
| they tell them when they must leave. You do not have to feed or otherwise
| entertain visitors who come to see the baby. Lie back and moan about pain,
| and the nurse will kick everyone out for you.

This hospital is very lax with visitors in the post-delivery unit. I had a private room (standard procedure for
c-section moms), and it wasn't that large to begin with. I again had a troop of people coming through. At one point,
both my parents were there, my gramma, my aunt (one that I get along with) 5 of my cousins, my best friend and her
little sister, the XO and his wife, the 1st sgt and his wife, and three of my other friends. That is 18 people in one
little room. They were not asked to leave, take turns, or anything else. Staff let them be. I just wanted a NAP
dammit. Anesthetic slowly wearing off, 18.5 hours of labor, no sleep, no shower, no food, wasnt allowed out of bed yet.
Again I was cranky.

|
| At home, it's a lot harder to get people to leave. The come when they want
| to, stay as long as they're comfortable (about 20 times longer than you're
| comfortable), and expect to be fed and entertained, while you're simply
| trying to reach a day where taking a shower isn't taxing your energy. If
| you're learning to nurse, having a crowd of people is a total nightmare.
| Fuhgeddaboutit.

Being that I live about an hour away from anyone that wants to come up, I'll have warning. AND its a TON easier to keep
them off a military base than you probably think. People will KNOW this time that IF you drive an hour to see me and
the baby, you will ONLY stay for a half hour. Thirsty? Get it yourself. Gotta pee? Don't ask or you will be told the
terlit is broke, go find it yourself. And NO you can't feed the baby, I don't want your hands on my boobs. Bottles
will be introduced (with breast milk in them) at a later date.

|
| I'd let them go buck-wild visiting the hospital, knowing they're leaving, and
| keep the house off limits for a few weeks. We followed that, and our only
| visitor that first week was my best friend: she didn't even come in the door
| or see the baby. She knocked on my door, handed me a casserole with
| instructions for heating it up, and gave me a gift bag with paper plates,
| plastic silverware, etc., and a bottle of champaigne. Then she hugged me and
| left. God bless her.

Can she be my best friend too?? I need more friends like this.....

|| Tell them to leave the baby in the nursery until the family has left. (You
| heard your cousin is comng down with something, and you don't want the baby
| made ill) Baby will sleep, and with the added entertainment of you being
| unconcious, they're liable to leave quickly. (Feign sleep when real sleep
| isn't happening)

Last time they just sat there and watched me sleep. (I have a really wierd family to say the least) Staff wouldn't bring
the baby to me unless I was awake, and wouldn't bring in the baby like a parade. They couldn't get in the nursery
without being a parent (both parents get a bracelet that matches baby's) for security reasons.

| Things are different now. If the nurse doesn't listen to you, have your
| husband (whose main job is ad your advocate) make the people leave. They
| will leave. And better they leave the hospital, satisfied and not wanting to
| camp out at your house.

THIS time hubby will be there. And I know that he will stop everyone at the door. Its just getting my mother to
realise the fact that I want to be left ALONE this time around.

| Why does she even know about this? This is so none of her business. If she
| had the cajones to bring it up to me, I'd give her a fixing stare, pause for
| a really long time and say, "Why do you want to know about my sexual future?"
|
| Then run.

My mom being the Queen of Nosy, asked what we planned to do in the future for BC, knowing that the pill is out. So I
told her. She didn't like it. A lot of times I tell my mom the blunt truth because it has more shock value than any
story I could come up with. I love mixing shock value and my stuck up mother in the same pot. THAT is some real
entertainment. (Sometimes)

|
| Do you guys think that I should please the planet by letting people see me
| in all my glory whilst I feel terribly
| uncomfortable?
| No.
|
| Do you guys think that I should let the outside world turn
| my hospital room into a major hub of
| activity?
| Yes, because it's better than the alternative.
|
| Do you think that at 27, after major complications during
| pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and two kids, that
| I should reconsider my choice to be sterilized?
|
| That's between you and your husband. I wouldn't presume to be so rude as to
| give an opinion. It's your body and your lives: I presume any decision you
| make is the right one for you.
|
|
| Opinions are being requested, but flames are not. I'm getting enough heat
| from my mom on these topics to last a
| lifetime.
|
| Karlee, Your mom needs to take a pill. Or, as I've suggested befo
| tranquilizer darts. Slip some roofies in her drink, and let her wake up a
| week later, a cast member in the worldwide tour of "Up with People!" :-)
|
| This too, shall pass.
|
| Kathy N-V, whose mom seriously wanted to talk about my daughter's future
| marriage plans. The kid is 13. She has no plans that don't involve Barbie
| and Ken, and I'm happy to keep it that way for now.


I'm not trying to shoot you down...really. I'm just telling you what I know from my first experience with all of this,
and that I don't want a repeat. It was pure hell. It wasn't fun when I was in the hospital and had one of my cousins
outright laughing at me when my milk suddenly, and like a dam breaking, came in. It sure wasn't funny when the doc came
in to look at my incision and had to ask 15 people to leave the room and they objected. I was NOT amused.

I just want to make sure that I haven't lost my mind with wanting time for me and the family and a little privacy. Mom
was acting like I had slipped a groove again.

Hugs
Karlee in Kansas