Kathy,
We sound the same. I'm not on the heavy duty stuff yet, but it feels as if
it's coming. The weight sucks too. I eat veggies and good stuff, but I'm
still 100 lbs overweight. I was walking with my husband and fell against a
display, he asked what was wrong with me. I just looked at him and said
what? This is what is happening. He said I look drunk. LOL I wish. I
would love to tie one on right now. Then maybe I could walk and laugh more.
grinning Right after that my hip went oops and I almost fell again. He
didn't know it had gotten that bad cause I hide it from him.

It's so frustrating. The exhaustion is the worse. I was able to stay
upright and bead last nite for a few hours, even made sense of a couple of
new stitches. Today I can barely move. I feel I have the weight of another
person on my body. I've taken several naps and haven't even taken any meds
for the pain. lol

I'm looking forward to my sunny day soon.

Hugs,
--
Debbie (New Mexico)
Life is too short
"Kathy N-V" wrote in message
.com...
On Fri, 14 May 2004 19:43:24 -0400, Jan G wrote
(in message . net):


Kathy, great news! What do you think helped the most? The meds?


A combination of things - meds, PT, a little weight loss and lots of
powerful
vibes from the people here on RCB.

Amazingly, I wrote this last week, when I think I hit my lowest point:

-----------------------
The reality of my life is that I often have to crawl to get upstairs, and
pay
for even the slightest exertion with days of pain. Or, I can take the
painkillers and be zoned out, those are my choices. I've gotten a lot
tougher - pain that would have made me cry years ago barely registers in
my
consciousness these days. I spent a day with [a friend] a couple of weeks
ago
- and spent five days in bed afterward, because I couldn't even walk to th
e
other end of the house without help.

It infuriates me to have people who have no idea what it's like to live in
my
skin tell me that I need to lose weight. Think I don't know that? Think
I
don't cringe when I see myself in the mirror and compare it to the person
I
used to be? What magic wand can I wave to make it possible for me to walk
up
the thirteen steps to my house? Forget running a marathon - I'd like to be
to
sit through one of DD's school presentations. Once I gain that much
progress, I'll worry about losing weight, okay?
----------------------------

That was in response to someone telling me that I "need to get active and
take off those pounds. Just stop eating so damn much."

She didn't get it. I've been on heavy duty steroids for more than 20
years,
and am 100 lbs. heavier than my pre-steroid weight. I used to eat
everything
in sight back then, and never gained an ounce. Now, I eat one meal a day,
because the pain makes me nauseated most of the time. If I stop the
steroids,
I die - period.

Not too many choices there - I'll walk through burning coals to be there
while my daughter grows up. I suspect that DD thinks that having a fat
mother
is way better than having a dead one. Being there for my family is my sole
motivation.

I'm a little sore tonight - I had to test my new meds by driving a couple
of
miles, because Bob is out of town. But I've been able to skip the Vicodin
for three days, and that's wonderful. Even if it doesn't last, this
respite
has been wonderful. It's like a beautiful sunny day after a long, long
winter.

Kathy N-V



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