onetexsun wrote:
Loads of prayers and good thoughts coming your way. Postpartum
depression is nothing to take lightly. And it affects so many of us.

I know, so why is it that few people take the time to understand it? It
has been heart breaking for me how a certain group of people at my
church have handled thing, I've probably lost a very dear friend over
this, but even worse I now fear talking to anyone at church about
anything specific, because I feel like I'm being observed and monitored
and that that friend might step in to prevent me from seeking help from
others as she believes that she has previously enabled me in my
negativity, which I don't feel she has, in fact I believe she's saved my
life. This is so hard and I'm so confused over my faith, I admitted
months back that I was struggling in my faith because I felt that my
brain compartmentalised and shut down the non essential parts and I
believed that faith was an essential part, but my mind didn't
necessarily allow that, but the help I saught didn't turn out to be help
at all. Because some of this has come from the leadership of the church,
I'm challenged as to whether this church is the right place for me at
all, but we have so many friends there and it's fantastic for our kids.

You can probably tell, I'm struggling today, I woke up physically not
great, I'm emotionally drained, I feel I should be either doing things
with the kids, or at least getting on with some household or admin
tasks, yet I'm struggling even to sit here and type this.

Anne